Hoxzle

2012

2012-01-10T20:17:00.001+11:00

Hanging with Reverts

2011-11-28T11:03:00.003+11:00

I love spending time with reverts to our Islamic religion. They understand the beauty that is Islam. It's important to be sincere and to surround yourself with such crowd who will always remind you of God and our true purpose on this planet.

I'm a bit upset that it gets harder to find crowds like that to hang out with, especially now that I've started working. Most of my time is spent at work, and I have to deal. I have to deal with all kinds of people with all sorts of different beliefs and value systems. If I were to spend 8 hours a day at work, I could probably still deal. But working 51 hours a week... It's not as easy to manage, though still manageable, but certain things will have to be given up to take up other things, and 24 hours is not enough in a day for underpaid kids with degrees working in MNCs.

I've been reading online about where to draw the line on what's too much to handle. I decided it's too much when I came to learn that I have been working more hours than what is legal according to Health and Safety laws. I learn that it's not normal to be so overworked, that I started speaking with friends studying pharmacology and asking them about anti-depressant medication. Many of my millionaire friends all tell me that the most important thing in this life is your health and your happiness. And they said if you want to go back to Sydney... Don't wait. Do what makes you happy. This is the way to wealth. Cos ain't none of those guys who work their tail off are rich. They're all trapped in the rat race. In KL relative to Sydney, I even consider it a poverty trap. They live in Mick Mansions, and are rich-poor. Mick Mansions being mansions with hardly any food in it, cos they can't afford it. Rich-poor is paying for grandiose cars while eating nothing but rice.

I think this world can be a beautiful place to live in if the right things are in place. Justice, fairness and equality being held as normal. And that we are able to pursue our dreams and aspirations, if we so desire. Because our shari'a compliant desires, is probably our purpose.

Man My Blog is SO Boring!

2011-11-11T17:37:00.002+11:00

Recently I read some of other people's blog and oh man.. Mine sucks compared to theirs. I don't even know what I've been on about these days. I'm just ranting. My writings were influenced by motivational books that at times makes no sense to normal people living normal lives.

Anyway, so I'm here. Graduated. Employed. Making tons of cash. Great career progression. Lots to learn. On the right path to becoming a real contributor to society, on a global scale.

And I feel like quitting.

No actually I don't. I like it here, it's fine. But it's tiring. If I was super human and have more than 24 hours in a day, more than 2 days in a weekend.. I'd be fine. But I don't. And I don't want to piss away my 20's either. And I don't wanna end up being a loser either. And I dislike the fact that I work hard and not make millions either.

But you gotta start somewhere. 6 months out of university... sure I'm not a billionaire yet. But we can't all be Mark Zuckerberg. Or can we?

But to be honest, I enjoy some of the more simple things in life.

An average sized mansion. Equipped with excellent sporting facilities. All the latest technology to keep you entertained 24/7. Nice clothes for every occasion. Nice cars that runs well. Quality food. Quality lifestyle. Quality family and friends. Quality sleep. And enough money to travel the world to catch live events of my choice.

That's it.

It's definitely not too much to ask for.

But I'm guessing.. Even when I do have all that.. It's not gonna be enough. I'd just want more. I'll start thinking about getting slaves. Conquering nations. And unlimited power.

All of which, even if I do get.. STILL won't be enough. At the end of the day... it's Paradise that we all seek. We were created to want Paradise. That's where we really belong. And when you do things that takes you closer to Paradise... that's when you get contentment. And in a few short years, you'll get Heaven.

That's our once upon a time story on this earth. Simple tale.

I wonder why we complicate it so much.

This Is A First...

2011-07-24T01:05:00.002+10:00

Excellent article I found on a sister's blog about nutrition and workout during Ramadan. I love this tag line right here where she says "Most people see the blessed month of Ramadan as a time when they will surely lose strength and or muscle mass and some people think they can only "maintain" during this month. This cannot be further from the truth. In fact, if you use some of the strategies I am about to share with you, you can make some of your best gains during this month!"

You can read the entire article here.

On another note, positivity is the energy for me, and it's no competition. It's important to have a positive outlook in life and focus on solutions and actions so as to maximize your results and improve the quality of your life. Some people cannot take advice and twist another person's model of the world so as to project a positive image of themselves in their own mind to be superior. Every second spent on this is a second wasted where you could have taken action to improve your life. The only time you should compare to others is in situations where you can increase your gratefulness to God, and to increase your humility. At the end of the day, it's the quality of your own life that matters. After that, everything that happens to you happens as a result of your action, or of your inaction. So focus on the positive, take positive action, do your best, and forget the rest.

May God unite us with the successful ones.

On Making a Choice

2011-06-06T10:24:00.003+10:00

These days all of us are entering into a phase that may be a bit foreign to us, where our decisions impacts our lives significantly. It's important to always make the right decisions that will give you the outcome that you want in your life. The wrong decision will not give you the fulfillment and the satisfaction that is sought after by every single one of us. My decisions and the decisions of those around me are mainly focused on job options, migration opportunities, family relationships, and companionship. No matter what your decision is, you should always decide on a choice that gives you more options.

Sometimes we enter into a realm or an environment that is foreign to us, so we feel slightly nervous and unable to be ourselves. This is a natural defense mechanism embedded in our system to protect ourselves from harm, so it is indeed a useful mechanism to have. When you are at a public gathering around foreigners or people who are foreign to you, when you are in an environment that is alien to what you're used to, or even when you are breaking through barriers in your life, it's going to be a little uncomfortable. The solution is to simply acclimate yourself in such environment enough, that you make these foreign territories - domestic. Just acclimate yourself to that environment however long it takes - perhaps 2-3 hours a day, 4 days a week, for the next 3.5 years. However long it takes, you can do it, and it's not really that hard. If your "why" is strong enough, you'll figure out the "how".

Fortunately we are all living in the 21st century. So many people have come and passed, that every problem that you have is never a new problem. It's important to find the right solution so that you can save yourself years of trial and error, and get it right straight away, so you may use your time more effectively and efficiently. Whatever problems you think you have, somebody, somewhere, have faced the same challenge, and have found the solution for it, and have written it in a book, somewhere. In fact, you don't even have to go that far. Wikihow.com tells you all you need to know about everything basic, from washing shoes, to how to get your girlfriend's parents to like you. And they all - work - like - a - charm.

My point is simply this - if you have access to education and the internet - there's no reason why anyone can't succeed except for the lack of motivation. And even that - you have seminars and solutions to it. If you find yourself in a place where you don't know where to start - start with motivation. Once you're motivated - you'll know what to do. It's all there for you.

Holiday!

2011-05-11T11:54:00.003+10:00

Man, holiday is fun. I love holidays.

Holidays are fun because it gives you the value of freedom, that you are able to do what you want, when you want, how you want. And really, that's what I've been doing. Learning about health and fitness, exercising, eating right, making a bit of money casually, spending time with friends, singing, dancing, partying, chilling. Learning Arabic, Mandarin, and memorizing parts of our Holy Book. And I can only do this because I've got all the 24-hours in a day to utilize it in any way I choose.

Honestly though, I'm ready to move on haha. I've had enough of holiday. Freedom to me now is being able to contribute to society, to be in a team that allows me to achieve great things. And I want to do this in a certain company that I've had my eye on for a while now. Michelle Obama once said: "If I can do something good, the sacrifices made for it to be achieved is worth it." And these are the words I've been indoctrinating myself with over the course of the holiday. The messages I surround myself with are words of God, entrepreneurs and presidents. And so when I join this certain company, honestly, I don't care about the sacrifices that I'd have to make. If it hurts, it works. But of course, one of the main reason why I choose it is because of it's environment that is conducive of training and learning, and contributing. And that's what I want for now.

I know where I want to be when I'm 50 years old. I know the steps that I need to take to get there now. And I say now because everything that you do in the present is a reflection of your past learning, and it paves the way to your future. So what you do now must always reflect what you want in the future. E.g. if you want to be healthy when you're 50; now you must have a balanced diet. Now you must be exercising regularly. Now you must be living a healthy lifestyle. Same goes for everything else in life.

You want to be the CEO of a fortune 500 company? Now what do you need to do? Now where do you need to be at?

You get the point.

Anyway, that's one of the profound messages I've learned this holiday. I love so many of the people around me right now I can't even say it. Love deeply, shine brightly, and make everyday an extraordinary adventure!

Virgin Active

2011-04-06T08:15:00.003+10:00

Staying fit and healthy is important. The Prophet (pbuh) reminded us that our body has a right over us, Omar ibn Al-Khattab encouraged exercise so that you'll be energetic for your prayers, and fitness is one way to be on a good standing on the side of Allah (swt). That should be enough reason and motivation to get you to start exercising, if you believe that there is nothing worthy of your veneration except Allah (La ilaha il Allah). There are plenty of workout tools out there, a lot of gyms, iPhone apps that instructs people on how to work out and stay fit. But I felt like none of them gives you a comprehensive understanding of health and fitness, except one: P90X.

P90X is a fitness program which goes for 90 days. This program is good because it educates you about fitness and shows you exactly how to do the exercises; which will get you to the goal that you want. It is just a few pdf's, excel files to calculate your nutritional needs and keep track of your workouts, along with videos that takes you through all the workout. Just follow the pdf, vidz and nutrition intake and you are well on your way to living healthy.

P90X really works. I only promote it because I've wasted too much time on other programs that does not teach me the right things to do, and does not give me the results I expected in a timely fashion. In everything that you do, it is worth it to spend a bit of extra time researching and studying something before taking action, because it takes longer to recover from mistakes if you've prevented it from happening in the first place. Rich people gets the luxury to access of information that's not always available to the public. Thank God for internet and piracy, we can all enjoy access to important information.

I now really see the disadvantages of being poor. It is difficult for disadvantaged prospects to lift themselves up from the ghetto when financial means gives you access to proper information that gets you on the right track. Even with the existence of the internet and the wealth of information out here, poor people still need to invest on a Kindle and a laptop, and other basic equipments to get them moving. And what happens if they don't know how to even get those basic necessities? They'll be forever disadvantaged and that sucks. Quite frankly, it is ultimately up to the parents to really teach their kids right from wrong, and learn from their past mistakes to assist their child in getting it right and being on the right track.

Speaking of which, most of us will upgrade our level of life experience soon through marriage. Marriage is half of our religion, and thus it should be pursued as it is a quick motivator to get you going on the game of life. With that said, still, don't marry people and then make them suffer because you suck, or vise versa. Get into it with knowledge and a goal. My personal favorite way of doing this is by following Will Smith's "Marriage-Business Plan".

I wish you success, and that God unites us with the successful people, who have came before us and who will come after us.

We We We So Excited.. We So Excited

2011-03-19T19:01:00.001+11:00

I haven't been posting much lately. It's probably because any information you want to get these days, you can read it from the experts. What I have to say really doesn't count for much, and it shouldn't; unless I am particularly an expert in the subject or am quoting from an expert. It's not hard to download books on kindle or do a Google search; reliable sources will probably teach you a lot more than any blog ever could.

In today's world, if you want to get something done - you can. The message of empowerment is an important tool to drive us to take action. Some people sit around and spend hours at a time talking about how they see the world from their point of view, complaining about this and that - like one telling fables in the nighttime. To take action effectively, these cats need to break away from their self-limiting beliefs - for they are the only one who is in their own way.

Reality is created by validation, so the people you surround yourself with creates your reality. It's important to be around the right kind of people so that, in your world, everything you want done is done, and everything becomes possible. When you hang around the wrong crowd... well, actually, why are you even there? When people complain, "I hate Bob this and that".. well, bro, why is Bob even there? Why are you always hanging around him then? The problem with this is, you then begin to generalize and say that everyone is like Bob; when in reality, there are millions of other cats out there who thinks positively, and would welcome the ideas that you bring to the table. And then you start developing negative self-talks; which only limits your own sphere of experience. So, limit your exposure to people who are not in support of your dreams and aspirations, and seek out companions who holds you to a high standard.

Besides that, you need to have an attainable goal, with steps on how to get there. Well-thought plans helps you execute the steps on getting there; and to love the process is essential! Whatever you do, you gotta believe in it, be passionate about it, and have a ferocious curiosity regarding it. On top of that, you've gotta be committed. If you're not ready for any of that, then you have to question why you're doing what you're doing. This is because if your "why" is strong enough, you'll figure out the "how". All talk and no play just makes things lame. Mundane. Makes people avoid you even. The only ones who won't, are those who are like you. And then the cycle goes round and round again and again. So break out of that cycle, and seek the path you were destined to take - then take it like it's yours - because it IS yours.

Reformed Average Frustrated Chump (RAFC)

2011-02-14T15:32:00.002+11:00

One of the best way to get a girl, is to have something better to do than to get her. -Style

Everyone has passions, dreams and aspirations that they are after. These are the things that makes life worth living, it is the very reason why we get out of bed every morning, chasing after something greater than ourselves. To different people these could mean different things: Money, women, fame, fortune. But what I want is something far greater than the human mind could comprehend. I want everything, with minimum effort. And I'm only going to get this by being on God's good side.

In my days, there have been countless people that I honestly look up to, and try to model. And it's only because I realize that I am not competent enough to set out and achieve the goals I want to achieve - I had to build the skill set others had learned to develop. As Isaac Newton puts it: "If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants." My very nickname "Hoxzle Laden" are initials of the people I look up to, and it indicates that I am a mix and match of all these people, and my alter ego is all that - in abundant quantity. And I only do so by saturating myself in their mind and their way of thinking, learning how they decide to do things and make the same decisions they would in my daily life.

But none of these can give me the satisfaction that I want. This is so because there is really nothing on this Earth that is worthy of my veneration, except God Himself. Everything else that I try to chase after as a source of pleasure, from that exact same source, I will suffer pain. It's a part of our normal human interaction to be hurt most by the object you love most. We're vulnerable like that. But there is one source in which you can always put your trust on - God Almighty. By purifying your intentions to serve Him in your daily activities.

I just finished reading a book called "The Game" by Neil Strauss a.k.a Style. I read it because I was ready to have a relationship again, and I wanted to learn a way by which I could attract the girl that I really wanted. As Mystery puts it: "I believe I am assisting women more than I am helping men. By assisting men to develop their skills for others." Which creates value. So I followed step-by-step everything that these men taught me. Attraction - Comfort - Seduce. These are the 3 main stages to get the girl of your dreams.

But some people don't understand that this is only the beginning stage of the game. To get her is not your real objective and goal - you want to share your value with someone who holds you at a high standard. What you want is someone to support you in your journey and conquests in life - and pick up is not the conquest itself <-- that's ridiculous. I know a number of guys whose aim is pick up, then suffers emotionally. I try to advice them to purify their intentions, but they wouldn't listen; claiming that society has changed and that religion is no longer relevant. Well, my question to you is simple: "How has that worked out for you so far?" People just need to be fair to themselves, and go out there and truly follow your passions and dreams - in a way that serves the Ummah in God's way.

With that, you will find true success.

2011-02-09T15:58:00.002+11:00

After discovering how awesome istikharah really is, you should also explore the other supplications that we've been taught to practice. Remember to always understand what you are saying, and keep your spirit high while supplicating, believing that God will respond positively to your supplications.

I've been exploring all these cool things to say when looking into mirrors (O God, make my inner characteristics beautiful as you have made my outer appearance beautiful), entering homes (In the name of Allah we enter, and in the name of Allah we leave, and upon our Lord we place our trust), leaving home (O God, I take refuge with You lest I should stray, or be led astray, or slip or be tripped, or oppress or be oppressed, or behave foolishly or meet with the foolishness of others), amongst other things.

All these words are awesome words to say, and it really does affects your life in a really positive way. Try it out. Dedicate a day where you use the authentic prophetic supplications when doing everything. From waking up, to entering washrooms, to making ablution, after ablution, leaving bathrooms, sayings after prayer, looking into mirrors, taking off clothes, putting on clothes, leaving homes, using a vehicle... Everything.

Here's a website to help you know what to say. Or download the entire collection here and print it out for your convenience.

Choosing the Proper Path

2011-02-02T16:36:00.002+11:00

Had an interesting conversation today with a Saudi brother about life and religion. I've been hanging out with many different kinds of people lately and the topic that always comes up is well... what are you gonna do now that uni's over? Tough question I gotta say.

What I wanna do is chill and travel the world, get money for free and not work, and not even go out to get anything for myself and have everything done for me. This is what I want in all honestly. And I KNOW that there MUST be a way I can get all of this... without work. And I told my brother from another mother with different color this, and he gave the most interesting answer anyone has ever given me.

He said something along the lines of: "Well, everybody wants this. And you're gonna get this once you get to Jannah, insha Allah. Your soul was made to want to be in that perfect situation, and you're gonna get that in Jannah. So in order for you to get what you just asked for... you have to live a good life. And that's how you'll get it."

Interesting. So I asked further about the purpose of life. Yes, to worship God. But to each individual, we're directed to our own unique individual goal which serves the ummah, right? So what is that unique goal for me? How do I know what's right for me? I came to the conclusion that I need to go and do hajj or omrah to find out about this... But he had a better idea.

Istikharah prayer. This is something that every Muslim have been encouraging me to do given my current situation (marriage-related). However, istikharah is not only for marriage. Apparently, the companions of the Prophet (pbuh) used to pray istikharah even when deciding which shoe to buy.

Then I asked: "So is it just a two unit prayer?" He said: "No, it's a du'a. A supplication that you can say. You'd probably want to say it during sujood, because that's when you're closest to God." So he showed me the istikharah supplication. I confirmed with him that I had it on my iPhone too. I read the content, and it's amazing. Here's what you say.

"O Allah, I seek Your counsel by Your knowledge, and by Your power I seek strength, and I ask You from Your immense favor; for verily You are able while I am not, and verily You know while I do not; and You are the Knower of the Unseen. O Allah, if You know this affair (and here you mention your need) to be good for me in relation to my religion, my life, and end; then decree and facilitate it for me, and bless me with it; and if You know this affair to be ill for me towards my religion, my life, and end, then remove it from me and remove me from it, and decree for me what is good wherever it be; and make me satisfied with such."

Also, you should consult people in relation to your affair. Once you have taken a decision, put your trust in Allah.

And whatever you've chosen then... is indeed the best thing for you.

2011-01-28T10:31:00.002+11:00

I just wanna travel the world and visit my good friends in their respective hometowns for a few months. I just wanna do that for a while. I want nothing else but just that.

Gah...

2011-01-25T09:31:00.002+11:00

For the first time in a long time I feel really overwhelmed with the amount of things I need to get done. Documents for PR application aren't all ready yet... THEN, I've exam, quizzes and tutorial this Thursday, AND a major assignment due on Friday, AND work on Saturday and most of next week! And I'm not prepared for any of this!

I need some help. Why can't JPA just gimme enough money so I don't have to work! This sucks! Work sucks. I just wanna chill. That's all I wanna do.

Decisions, Decisions

2011-01-21T08:34:00.002+11:00

Man.

It feels like I've been forced to upgrade my life, my thinking, my maturity, to a whole 'nother level. In one week, I've had more realization of how real this life is going to be for me. How important a job really is. How much responsibilities I'll have to carry. How many issues in life I gotta consider. And of course, the fun and perks that comes with it all too.

It's uh... It makes me light-headed. Or maybe that's just the cough medicine talking.

I just wanna move forward y'all. For real.

2010 In Pictures

2011-01-02T15:19:00.017+11:00

2010 was filled with adventures, I gotta say. 2010 has been such a trip. I did a lot of new things, too many that I'm now a bit lazy to talk about it all. The moment has passed, and now I'm in a new moment. A new mindset. A new head space. But you know what they say: "How you do anything is how you do everything." So let's get into it.

Some things are good, some are bad. Ah man. Where do I begin. Aight, lets start.

First of all, I need to cut the bullshit and write down how I really feel. These are the turn of events that are organized in terms of the impacts it had in my life. Breakthroughs are relative, and these are mine in 2010.

Chris Howard's breakthrough to success 2.5 day seminar was the starting point of pounding positive messages into my subconscious mind and making it a part of my neurological connections in my thought processes which changes the outcome of my actions on a consistent basis. What tha f-? That means, I make better decisions, I ask better questions, and I get better results. In everything that I do. The secret? I recorded the entire seminar in secret, turned them into MP3's, and played it again and again and again everyday for 6 months when I'm cycling to uni. It's crazy. But I was determined.

It helped that 2 hours prior to this seminar, I was elected as the Media Director for SUAMS. The Malaysian Students club at Sydney Uni which later won the Best Club of 2010 Award. Pretty freaking amazing. And basically, I put in a lot of the positive messages I learned into the work that I was given at SUAMS. These guys were literally my family for an entire semester and a half.

I was the director for Human Resources in Malaysian Festival, I took part as an actor for MGM, I organized an entire rock climbing event all by myself, I did a lot of shit. I sacrificed a whole lot of time for this cause. And it felt absolutely amazing being a part of something that was bigger than myself. Although we had no real reward for our efforts, the satisfaction of achievement was enough to keep us going. This is when I got addicted to achievement, and taking action, and being consistently on the move.

I love all of you guys and I thank Logann so much for giving me the opportunity of being a part of such a wonderful team at SUAMS. I admit I screwed up a lot along the way, and I even think that EeWing now has a grudge on me, I feel the tension at times, and being Malaysian we don't openly discuss our personal feelings, we keep it professional... But yeah, I hate that tension and I wanna learn how to deal with it. 'Cos really, I think she's an amazing person who puts in a lot of energy into what she does and I admire her so much on so many levels. I wish I had many of her characteristics. I'm sorry for all my shortcomings, it was very inconsiderate of me. I am determined to do better in the future.

All of these constant drug of achievement that SUAMS pumped us with made me feel great. I wanted more. I couldn't stop till I get enough. And I was never going to get enough, and I knew it. But I got sucked into this life anyway. So I started looking for more. I started searching for more.

I knew that happiness is nothing if it wasn't shared. I thought that I've found myself in the midst of the short-term successes that I had. With that, I knew that I was ready to be in a relationship again. I picked the wrong girl to be in love with. Don't get me wrong, she's freaking amazing. She's an awesome person. But she's taken. It ain't right to take her anyway. Or is it?

We spent too much time together, and as you can see, we've gotten to a point where we're so comfortable.. We don't give a fuck what we look like anymore and we can still be around each other haha. I should have taken this as an indicator that we're just friends, but hey, I'm young and dumb. I knew there was something wrong with my game, which is why I am not getting the girl that I like. So what did I do?

I joined an underground community of pick up artists.

Let me tell ya, this community is PUMPED on basing their self-worth on achievement. All they see is achievement, and nothing else. This sat very well with my want for achievement as a drug that keeps me going. I did everything to get the girl. I did whatever they said, whatever they taught me to do. In my mind, I thought I was doing the right thing. I read their books, I ran their routines, I watched hours and hours of their materials online, and I learned a LOT about the art of courtship. I started working out, I started grooming myself better, I started to talk about topics that are interesting for women. I really gave it my all here. And I certainly left with a lot of knowledge. Although I know this stuff is actually... not that good... I thought of it as a necessary evil to get a relationship, and once I've gotten one, I was going to jump back to Mars and Venus: the art of being successful at relationships.

Now, I'm still single, but at least I walk away with a lot of profound knowledge about life and its purposes. I learned most about who I am with NLP and Chris Howard's material, but I learned more about other people through the pick-up community. I realized people aren't always as innocent as I would like to imagine them to be. Often times I've had to face the harsh reality of what life really is like... But it's a good thing, because now I can deal with it. Now, I feel like I am a lot more prepared to face whatever I have to face.

I love my friends. Many of them are really wonderful people, whom I secretly wish I can take a lot of their positive characteristics and embed them into myself. Which is why I love to hang out with them, because I know that I tend to become more like the people I hang out with.

Both 2010's semesters had done a lot of good for me, and a lot of bad. I indulged in a lot of things with an open heart and an open mind, ignoring the consequences of my actions, ignoring my intelligence and my conscience, at the price of the selling of my own soul. Now, to be honest, when I look at myself in the mirror, I don't even know who's staring back at me. So many voices in my head, I don't know who to listen to anymore.

I moved on from the bubbly world of pick-up to more serious beliefs 2Pac Shakur had in his lifetime. At first, I just listened to 2Pac's rap songs to help me deal with dumb shit that I was going through in my life. They were just fast-paced, good work-out songs. But when I YouTubed him, I realized that he was a lot more than just rap songs.

I took a course on Leadership at university, which is why I was really interested in 2Pac at the time, especially closer to exam time. I wanted to model an excellent leader. I wanted somebody I could look up to. And 2Pac just exudes with charisma, just like those guys in the pick-up community, except 2Pac had a better message for mankind. He was the better human being I wanted to be. He had real issues to talk about, which I wanted too.

This is as a result of having lost my soul in the midst of searching for it. I gave up too much on my principles, I gave up so much of what my conscience dictated, I gave up so much of my beliefs. Too much. Too much that I wasn't happy. I couldn't be happy. I would walk around, afraid that people would figure me out. I wasn't real to others, 'cos I wasn't real to myself. I knew I had to be real, and 2Pac showed me that. And I got into it.

I used his motivation to help me help as many people as I can, in as many ways as I can. I was taking excellent lecture notes, so I can share with my friends. I was teaching people left and right, so that I can feel that I am delivering value. In return, I got value too from others. This is when I learned a lot of the Asian culture, and I fell in love with how they do things. I started hanging out with them more and more. Until semester ended. Then I had nothing else to teach. My friends flew overseas, leaving me behind. As God says something along the lines of "their inventions will leave them alone in the lurch". Painfully true.

This is a photo taken after semester ends.

You may have seen this photo on my facebook, and to be truthfully honest, if you could open my heart and see, I never felt so lonely in my life at that exact moment. I felt that I've lost true purpose and direction in life. 'Cos uni was over, and I had no job. Nothing ahead of me that I can see. I knew I had summer school coming up, but that wasn't in a month's time. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know where to go. I didn't know which organization I could deliver my value to. I know I have so much to give, but I didn't know who or where I should give it to. I was lost. I was lonely. It was quite terrible.

I even went to Church, in the midst of trying to experience new things and deliver yet more value. I'm never gonna go to Church again. Sorry Jeffrey, sorry Sylvia. But I just can't get along with sitting down for 4 hours listening to people insulting God, saying that He came down to earth as a man, to be rejected and humiliated by His own Creation?! That shit makes no freaking sense. Humans go through that. Prophets go through that. God Himself doesn't go through dumb shit like that, OK. I felt that my own faith strengthened in face of such opposing ideology, but I still felt bad. And I knew what I had to do.

Go back to the Muslims and hang out with them.

These Muslims are awesome. Jamel paid $80 so I can have an all-you-can-eat buffet with a celebrity. He hooked me up with an internship. He invited me to camps. He invited me to new year parties that had celebrities who were his cousins! I get to talk to people who have traveled the world, sharing their experience of rap tours, backstage dilemmas and experience of performing in front of 40,000 live audience! That's crazy insane, and insane crazy.

But I still run back to my Asian buddies at times, 'cos I feel like they understand me more. And I love their culture more.

This is when I realize... Holy shit. I've lost my soul once again. I am not committed to any one thing, and that's a bad thing. I have not found that one thing I want to dedicate my life to, and that's a bad thing. I have had all these knowledge and experience, gone to places others can only dream of going, being around communities others can only see from afar, having true friends and brothers who are loyal, and always there for me.

Yet, I still feel like it's not enough! I still want 10 properties, 1 wife, millions of dollars, my own organization, my own crew, my own people, others working for my cause.

And with all this, I enter into 2011. This year is not new. It is simply a continuation of a short story of the journey of my soul. A story that really only I care about. A story that will be told on the Day of Judgment that really only affects me and no one else.

This is 2011. Shit.

Hot N Dangerous

2010-12-29T09:15:00.002+11:00

Words of wisdom from Ke$ha: "I'd give it all up to not be sleeping alone. Ohn. Alone. Ohn." I'm just kidding. Kesha is not wise at all. But hey, she's popular. She's making money I wish I was. She's traveling the world I wish I was. She's looked up to by the youth I wish I was. So what's wrong with our society?

Her lyrics doesn't make any sense... but we love it. We love things that don't make sense. We love it when we allow our emotions to dictate our actions, contrary to what we always do, which is to think and follow our conscience, doing the right thing all the time. Why? It makes us feel good. And well.. in a materialistic world, feeling good is all that we've really got now.

Often times strangers try hard to build rapport with each other. I think they'd be 10 times happier trying to build rapport with their own immediate family.

A Positive Outlook

2010-12-21T12:56:00.003+11:00

I just gotta write this down.

Most positive message I've heard in a while. From Crystal. She said: "Girls should thank their boyfriend's ex-s cause the ex-s makes them learn to be a better boyfriend."

She just made it on my lifetime friendship list.

Road Not Taken

2010-12-16T22:59:00.002+11:00

Yeah so this crappy little literature that we learned in high school sometimes actually gets referred to by people in their writings. It's almost as if they did no reading post-high school. Unfortunately for me, I should not be negative at all. Because perception is projection. And my view of the world reflects more on me, than it does on anything else. So let us reflect.

When I hung out with Jessica last year, it was one of those nights where she hung out in my room all night, to put my views to the test. She wanted to argue that I shouldn't worry about having sex with girls, because it's a normal part of life, and that these are necessary life experiences. However, my other friend said that "Some things are better left not experienced." Out of these two theologies, my friend made more sense. Some experiences are better left not experienced. And this is my problem now.

I've had too much experience. Last holiday, my auntie told me about her love sparks between her and her husband (my uncle), how he confessed his love, and how they walked in the rain under an umbrella, and how that was really romantic and now they're together, happily married for God knows how long. I awed when hearing that story, but a part of me is saddened because I can't even recall how many girls I've shared umbrellas with in my life time.

Today I hung out with Crystal for a really long time, and I realized, holy shit, this girl is freaking awesome. But then I realized, holy shit, relationships are SO built! They don't just happen. They never just happen. I've come to the realization that it really doesn't matter who I end up with. It's up to me to make it work. And once I've spent enough time with her, I'll like her anyway, no matter who she is. Now, don't get the wrong idea. Crystal is just like a little sister to me, nothing more. And I'm pretty sure I won't ever like her any more than a friend. But she has helped me come to this conclusion.

I know this isn't exactly what girls would like to hear. And I won't tell them this. This is actually basic shit that everybody knows. My point is completely different.

Much experience doesn't always equal good. I think I've had too much experience, that... up to this point, I'm not easily satisfied anymore. Which sucks. I want to be satisfied. But I'm just not. I strive, I work hard, I exhaust my effort, I try new things, I hang out with new people, I take up new challenges, I do new things, every freaking day. I'm tired. But I must go on. Achievement is like... my drug. I need it.

Now, I'm here to say that the road not taken, wasn't taken for a reason! And it's for this reason! Now I'm stuck in a situation where I'm not easily satisfied. This sucks, innit? I want to be satisfied with what I've got. But now... I think I'm gonna have to push for more. Aim for more. Go for more. In everything that I do. I have to do more than the average man.

I envy my friends who ends up marrying the first girl they ever loved. That's so awesome. As for me, to be honest, I'll need to... I'll have to...

My Debut Khutbah

2010-12-10T20:18:00.002+11:00

That was such a trip. What a rush!

I think I liked being up there in front of hundreds of people, giving a memorized and well prepared speech. I can compare this feeling to the time when I rapped at high school in front of a live audience. Except this time, I'm actually saying something meaningful.

I wasn't nervous, I was calm, collected and confident. I think it was because I kept saying in my mind that: "If I can make a fool out of myself in high school, rapping, saying dumb things... Then of course I can do this. This should be nothing." Plus, in my mind, I thought people weren't really going to show me respect that a Muslim brother deserves anyway. So I thought, ah might as well. If I give a good speech, then perhaps that might put my community in a better light in the eyes of these people - not that it matter. With Allah belongs all Honor and Glory anyway.

My favorite part was when I told the audience: "We need to change for the sake of our own selves. For the sake of our own Jannah and Naar. What more do you want??" Anyway, you had to be there.

Invited two of my female friends from China to come and watch me talk. I saw them walked in with their summer attire on lol that was hilarious. And what's funnier, Crystal went to the bank after Juma' and met a Muslim guy at the bank (he didn't pray Juma') and she said: "Oh hey you're Muslim? I just came back from Friday prayer!" Hahaha funniest scene I could've ever imagined! Anyway, it was good. I've got Crystal and Grace to be more open about this sort of stuff. Now I can slowly convert Grace, and get into Steven's head, and when Steven becomes Muslim, Crystal will become Muslim too! Yayy! When they're Muslim, then Dominic and Cecilia will be pressured to get into the club too! Awesomee!!

That's the hope. But anyway, it's up to them, it's not my business to convert people. I just do my best, decision is theirs. But I'll do my job in a well well well welll wellllll good way, then hope for the best! =D

Besides that, I think being up there and giving advice to people had an effect in my heart unlike something I've ever felt before. It made me feel like I have to now live up to my own speech. I've gotta be the one who do all of these good things that I'm telling people to do. In reality, I probably shouldn't be up there while Ibrahim Al-Salti was in the audience (this brother is mashaAllah such a good speaker), but yea. Now I know what it feels like to give a khutbah. Now I know what it feels like to do this. It felt good. It looked good. It sounded good. It's good.

I do feel different. I'm having an emotion ride now unlike anything I've felt before. I talked of happiness and tranquility and you know what? This is the way to happiness. None of that other stuff that I've been doing gave me true satisfaction and tranquility except for this. It's like Qiyamulayl divided by 2. That's what this feels like. I haven't felt like this in a long time. It's good. I'm happy. Looking forward to doing this again =D

Goodbye to You

2010-11-20T13:48:00.004+11:00

"Goodbye to you. Goodbye to everything that I knew. You were the one I loved. The one thing that I tried to hold on to." -Michelle Branch.

This is the song that I have stuck in my head at the moment. That and Taylor Swift's "Love Story", Aladdin's "A Whole New World" and Avril Lavigne's "When You're Gone". These are the songs that we sang and was on the background during our cute moments hanging out together. I'm speaking as though there's a mutual likeness between her and I, but the truth is we're probably just friends. If she was single I'd make my moves, with the help of my fellow brothers, just to allow the commencement of the relationship to escalate into something real. But now it's too late. She's taken, and gone to lunch with her boyfriend and leaving the country tomorrow.

Such a spirit killer, these experiences. Makes me want to just go home to Malaysia. There at least I have a house to live in. Cars to drive. Places to go. Food to eat. Family to chill back with. Mosques to pray at. Here, I have those things now... But I don't have a job, thus my experiences will deteriorate and diminish as my savings diminish along with it. With no job, nothing can happen when you're abroad.

But no doubt, I am happy here. I have friends. I have people I feel who care about me. They're wonderful people.

Reflecting on my previous post though, treating life as a game may be the only way to go at this point. Indeed the Prophet (pbuh) gave us good advice when he said: "‘O young men, whoever among you can afford to get married, then let him do so, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and guarding chastity. And whoever is not able to do that, then let him fast, for that will be a shield for him.’” (al-Bukhaari, 5066; Muslim, 1400).

Hence, to win this game of life, that's exactly what my focus should stay on. Fasting, and getting a job, by which when Allah enriches me out of His Bounty, I am then able to get married and lawfully have fun. Right now, sure, I picked her up and slammed her onto the couch, hugged, hold hands etc but where does that leave me now? Empty, drained, tired and the reward for my efforts are but temporary. I do highly appreciate the girl spending time with me, and I do have a wonderful time with her, and I think she is this amazing person whom... God I wanna be with her so bad... But she doesn't know that. And if she does, even if I do the right things, and even if she DOES return my love... It's still temporary. When reality pops in, you've got problems if you ain't prepared. I still want to be with her... I wanna take care of her and protect her.. and enjoy her company for eternity.

But the Virgins of Paradise are not impressed by these traits that I have. They've probably turned their face from me when I led myself into the situations that I allow myself to get into. This is what happens when you lose points in the game of life. I am losing, which is why my energy is drained. I am not doing the right things. I am not making the right decisions.

I wish the Muslim community would show me more respect, like these kuffars do. I wish they wouldn't call me up to come join their events so I can simply help them TAKE PHOTOS!? I mean wtf, do you think I'm a tool? No, take your own photos. And they respect you when you pray, but when you need their help, they all just explode away from you. When I was homeless and hungry, it was she who took me into her home and fed me. When I felt lonely, it was her who hugged me and split her Subway cookies with me. When I needed help with studies, it was her who stayed with me for hours at a time teaching me until I understood the concept, so much so that I started teaching HER after that. That's the kind of support that I expect from the Muslim community, but I am not receiving it from them.

Of course, I thank God because it is through His Power that He allows me to enjoy His food, His shelter, and knowledge comes from Him, not her. But still, she was there. I am going to make it my personal mission to help these people see the light of Islam, and make them Muslim, and they will be better Muslims, insha Allah. May God help me in my mission. Ameen.

This Life is a Game

2010-11-13T21:35:00.003+11:00

"Play the game, brother. Never let the game play you."

An interesting concept introduced by Mystery: The Game. He puts relationships in a context of a game. People in social gatherings are imagined to have a ring of light around them, representing different things: "1 set. 2 set. 3 set." Etc. Moving through the 3 stages of the game, choosing to evoke emotional response in women with volition: Attraction, Comfort, Seduction.

In Mystery's own words, he says: "You will feel hurt. You will suffer hurt. This game is hurtful. But it is worth it. It is so worth it. Women are worth it."

I was really fascinated with this life when I first heard of it. Mystery spoke a lot about evolution, and how our brains are evolutionarily hardwired to reward/punish us with certain emotions when we do things that increases our survival and replication value. He downgrades human life to be like animals, basically. Because after all, we are only advanced monkeys.

However, interesting concept I found out from the Qur'an, is that if you think you're an animal, then you actually become an animal. Your life will be like a cow's life. Eat, sleep, sex, die. Nothing more. Which is why the people I know strive so hard to defy these concepts: By delivering value to society as much as they can. Volunteer. Community work. Raising capital. All kinds of really cool stuff.

We have religion, though. And I think if I start looking at the Qur'anic way of life as a game, I will be motivated to play it. The end is Paradise... if you win. If you lose, it's Hellfire. Life is short. You need to live your life like a traveler, fearing no external repercussions. Your only fear is God. Your map of reality is the Qur'an. Your aims and objectives in life is clear. Your purpose clearly defined. Your tests are constant. You're rewarded with peace and contentment when you do good things and get certain points. And likewise, punished with constriction in the mind and discontentment when you disobey.

Some days are better than others (bonus level - Ramadan, First 10 days of Dhul' Hijjah etc.). Certain times of your 24 hours is better than others (last 3rd of the night, 1 hour every Friday, etc.). The more you do, the more you get. If you trust in your Creator, seek His Help, believe and do righteous good deeds... You will absolutely win a big victory.

Ethics, environmental issues, animal rights, women rights... All are covered under the laws of God. Let's play it. We play to win. Let's win this game.

Life is Short

2010-11-13T20:54:00.003+11:00

I hear they say that your hatred for someone else will not bring you success. I hear that your jealousy of someone else will not give you what you want. I hear that your envy will not be the cause of your increase in wealth.

Protection against the "evil eye" (i.e. jealousy, envy) is important to protect you - not only from you being envious of others - but also from others being envious of you! Believe it or not, if you're reading this, you're bound to be awesome to some degree. And some people just can't stand that. It's hard to understand what goes on in the brain of such creatures; nonetheless we have to acknowledge their existence and find out ways in which we can deal with such situations.

Personally, I avoid even being in this conversation because... Dude, I ain't even in that head space. What they do with their thoughts have nothing to do with me. You attract in life things that which you focus on. People uses the words "I Am" in ways that dis-empower them. "I am sad. I am depressed" No you're not! You're so much more than that!

My favorite line would be: "How is it that what I do causes you to choose to feel that way?"

At the end of the day, the environment where you put yourself in really really really affects who you become as a person. Therefore, you need to always surround yourself with positive people. Let go of attachments. Any attachment, whether it be wealth, women (who are unlawful for you anyway haha), success... Just let it go. Relax. And you'll play a much better game.

Put in your effort, but the outcome is with God Almighty. Whatever the outcome, BELIEVE that it is the best outcome for you in this life and the next.

I am thankful to God that I am blessed with wonderful people around me all the time. When there are people who are so pessimistic; and there are those people who are like that, just the way you act will allow them to know that they are not welcome in your life. They're cut out. You just shut them out, because we don't have time for that. We just move on with life, and focus on things that are important, move forward, and keep moving forward till you die.

To be honest, I'm afraid of death. I've made a lot of mistakes underneath these city lights. I'm not the best Muslim ever; I even think at times that I'm a pretty bad Muslim. I mix good and bad actions, and I believe I'm among those people who are in fear awaiting God's judgment whether He will forgive us or punish us. I can only hope to be among the former group.

I do seek to be closer to God. Like I always say, religion is always the top priority on my list. Some tests that I face are challenging, but I know for a fact that whatever I'm tested with, I certainly have the ability to bear it with patience. If I didn't have the patience to bear the test, I would not have been tested with that trial in the first place.

Eating Pigs

2010-11-04T18:21:00.003+11:00

Sometimes I feel compelled to challenge the norms of society. But after fighting for so long, you get exhausted and feel like perhaps you should just let it go and lay back. Just accept things the way that they are, even if I disagree with it.

We all speak of multiculturalism, globalization and how we should all accept and love each other, regardless of race, culture and religion. But at the end of the day, no matter how accepting that other person is, when it comes to things that matter, I find no compromise on the other end. For example, if I love a Buddhist girl, or a Taoism girl, and she loves me back; what are the likelihood of her parents accepting me? What are the likelihood of my parents accepting her? What are the likelihood of me accepting some of her cultural practices that contradicts my religion? What are the likelihood of her accepting some of my religious practices to be taught to our kids? And what about my condemnation for ancestral worship? They say they're only conjuring up the good vibe, not calling on the actual person. Which makes sense. But with Islam, you get that and more.

As far as I'm willing to tolerate anything that comes in my way, being patient and showing a willingness to emote; others are not so willing to do the same. I was once like that, but as President Obama said: "Be the change you want to see in the world". As far as I'm all for integrated marriages to tie two cultures and religions together, others can't stand it. And it makes it hard for the people involved, so hard that it's just easier for both of us to be with someone of the same religion (although not necessarily the same race/culture).

Or am I just backward rationalizing everything, to comfort myself and push aside thoughts of incompetency? I highly doubt that, as I consistently and persistently work so hard learning about new cultures, and working hard to upload some of my views in their minds. Sometimes I get success, sometimes I fail to convince (What do you say to a Chinese from Shanghai who asks: "What's so bad about eating pork?" Yeah I know there are health issues, but so is with all other processed junk that we have these days.) At the end of the day, when making decisions that matter, people always fall back to their own beliefs.

Whatever, I'll be the scapegoat - that's fine. I'll continue on this path and even if I'll have to die alone, having no partner, at least I would've stood for what I believe in.

And at this point in time, that's when a door of opportunity opens and I have the chance to be with someone who IS pretty awesome, but not necessarily the person I ideally want to really be with. Ah geez. Whyyyy does things have to be so complicated when it shouldn't be.

I'm tired man. I'm really tired.

In the Pursuit of Happiness

2010-10-23T12:11:00.009+11:00

I was listening to Linkin Park's new album today which I just downloaded and you know what... Aw man, I expected much more from them. I was bored out of my mind. So bored that I skipped through all the tracks straight to the lyrics, got bored, and started YouTube-ing Simple Plan. Yeah, it's pretty bad. When Chester sings out words of negativeness, I recognize the pattern of "captivity of negativity" and immediately expels the lyrics out of my mind like "Of course you deserve the fame, you worked hard for it!" And I just couldn't get into the song at all.

Other than that, I've been hanging out with a bunch of guys, doing what my brain was designed to motivate me to do - aligning with tribes to increase my survival value. I have a great sense of clarity for my purpose here in life. To seek happiness <-- that's what they say. I know that my brain is evolutionary hardwired to make me feel happy when doing things that increases my survival and replication value. And I suppose that's what I've been doing. Am I happy all the time? No. But things are always hopeful.

The guys and I, last night, after going through FHM's Top 100 Sexiest Women in Philippines, started valuing possible girls for me, as I was the only single guy remaining in the party house. I personally will not rate women using numbers; but if you were so inclined to rating them, the people I showed my friends are on a 6 - 10 points range. Some are 7s with 10s for personality, some are 10s with 7s for personality, others are 9s with 6s for personality.

It sucks to already know what beauty is. Beauty to us is simply youth and health indicators to motivate us to only mate with people who will give us the greatest statistical probability of the promise of replication. That's all what beauty is for us. And we look at the hip to waist ratio, breast size, hair quality, facial symmetry, grooming and nurturing qualities. Too bad beauty is common. So common that I am desensitized to it. I look for more. So I seek out and actively look for more. The problem is, the more I looked, the more I found.

Why is this a problem? I get suckered into this realm. This bubble life doesn't represent reality necessarily. And I realize that the game we play is only the beginning part of the relationship, for once you've commenced the relationship, it's a whole different thing.. And as for now...

My friends recommended only 2 out of 4 potential suitors for me. I'm gonna play it right, and hope to find whatever it is I am looking for. I'm not after confidence, I'm after competence. And whoever I find suitable would be lucky to meet me.

I am Obsessed Dude!

2010-10-17T18:06:00.002+11:00

I don't remember being this into something! The last time was probably when I was 14 or 15 years old when I was way too into rap and TechTV. Now, it's THA GAME!! LoL. I've been so obsessed with Mystery's seminars, books, audio books, interviews, manuals, and now I'm watching VH1's Pickup Artists season 1. I'm also determined to go out and get Season 2 and 3. This is insane. I've got assignments, presentations and finals coming up and they're all being neglected because of some, quite a good AMOG, stole my girl from right in front of me. Blew me away. I was like; I hate to admit it, but he has a better game than me. Made me feel like I was a fish out of water, like I'm checkmated into a corner where no matter what I did it could easily be turned around to me losing my cool, calibrating an obvious DLV. I've learned how to counter it the next time, and I've noticed exactly what HE did to get her reacting in the way that she did. Pissed me off, and I obviously lost the set. I couldn't believe I just let him ask her out in front of me, in real life I would've liked to punch him in the face.

Yeah, that's how good his game was. But no matter. With these tools at my disposal, I can be better than him. I could be the best. And he didn't get a date with her, ha! He blew himself off by showing too much IOI's before building enough comfort. And I got the date instead. Plus, man, that dude's so immature. His game is good, but can be improved, and I hope he never improves it 'cos it's not a good thing. Unless he's gonna be my wing man. Now there's a thought, hmm.

And in my defense, she tested me one more time the next day, and that time I was a lot more prepared and I got to DHV her friends and win them over. With that, winning me more kino escalations and a trip to the comfort building location.

I just now need to plan my game and make it work. I've only got 4 weeks. I need to show her how much I love her if I'm gonna get a chance at all.

Success and Experience

2010-10-10T21:31:00.002+11:00

A wise man once told me, "The bad news is you're going to have a lot of failures, especially in the beginning. The good news is you're going to have a lot of success too in the beginning. And of course, if you have a lot of success in the beginning, chances are you're going to have many successes in the end. But the bad news is you're going to have the least amount of experience in the end. Makes sense, right? You're going to be fucking up along the way. My job is to minimize anything happening wrong."

The truth is, I've been investing a lot of time in a dark world these past couple of weeks. A world where you thrive on success. A world where mistakes doesn't exist, but events simply explains the current stage you are in. A world where you are made aware of how to move through the stages, and succeed through the stages, and keep succeeding. A world which thrives and glorifies success so much, that when you are hit hard with the confronting reality that your success model itself may be ineffective... you could potentially spiral into depression.

This is where I've been spending my time: In the world of the PUA.

Countless hours. Days of seminars. A handful of books. Numerous sets. Various targets. A number of obstacles. And a rush of excitement.

And the strange thing is - I would normally reevaluate my model, change it, rethink my strategies, come up with bigger and better ideas, and move on from there. But with this game, you really spiral into depression when you lose. Like, really. Even our guru, Mystery, had a moment where he was so depressed from a slight slip-up, that he wanted to kill his father and then kill himself.

This is exactly what Chris Howard warns us against when using NLP unethically. That in the end, it will eventually hurt your game. And what you want is long-term results. Short-term gratifications is not the goal. It's never the goal.

Funny thing is, despite all the warnings I get from friends... I still think they're only saying that because they've had the success and thus they can move on. They're already fulfilled in that aspect of their life. I still want to win this game. I still believe there's a lot I can take from this. And I'm going to keep playing this game until she leaves the country in November. Once that happens, THEN I can say that there's a forest of trees out there waiting to be explored.

Until then, I refuse to give up. Some people will succeed. Why can't that person be me.

I Gotta Move On Again

2010-09-28T07:45:00.000+10:00

I think I'm meant to wait a lil longer. It'll be worth the wait.

Finally found someone I can chill with and have a good time with. Someone I admire for her values, personality and outlook. We chill out a lot and have a lot of fun together, and some serious conversations too. Then again, yeah... She's already taken so... Yeah well. I didn't want to give up at first, but after last night, I found out her current relationship isn't actually going downhill or anything so... I'm gonna let this one slide. I don't know if she likes the idea of me being with someone else. But unfortunately, the polygamy that I believe in doesn't work both ways. Though I always tease her about that haha.

Well, another potential partner who actually made it to the final cut is now going off my list. I would love to meet her again some time in the future. But as we said, it's better to settle down once we know our future for certain. At this point, we still have traveling plans, and the future is pretty blurry. Even for her current relationship, she doesn't know what will happen when they'll go into long-distance; if I get together with her it'll be even worse haha. We want to travel to two completely different worlds.

But she's from a world I wouldn't mind visiting, and I'm from a world she wouldn't mind visiting. So perhaps we'll cross each others' path again in the future. Till then, gotta focus on my dreams and what I want, and go out and get it =)

Best Phone Conversation...

2010-09-23T00:15:00.002+10:00

... evar!

Not Afraid

2010-09-16T06:07:00.002+10:00

I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let me know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

(Bridge)

And I just can't keep living this way
So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage
I'm standing up, Imma face my demons
I'm manning up, Imma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now

As men, we must have full control over our emotions. Having control over your emotions does not mean holding your emotions in, or not expressing yourself. But it is to express yourself in a way that is rational. I can get pissed off, sure, but even as you are pissed off, you express it in a way that is acceptable.

Women don't want men whom they need to take care of emotionally. They want to be taken care of. You can't have your girl worry about your emotional needs. You need to be emotionally fulfilled, and is just always sharing all the good stuff with her all the time. You gotta be the one who takes care of her emotionally. Society demands a lot from the modern women, and in relationships, they shouldn't have to do anything. Rather, they should be the one taken care of. This is where they should be able to chillax, chill back, and have someone else do stuff for them instead.

With that said, I have to constantly demonstrate that my happiness and emotional needs is not fully attached to my partner. I can be by myself and I'd still be happy. This is when emotional mastery really takes place, and you will have a better life experience. That positiveness will have a ripple effect to those around you as well, and they'll all be able to indulge in the wholesome goodness that you emanate. And after that, if your partner can't see that, you need not worry. It's her loss. Haha. But if she's worth your time and effort, if she has the right outlook, then she wouldn't overlook such quality. Moreover, if you are always there taking care of her, it is because she's the one who made the final cut on your list.

So either way, with emotional mastery, you always come out a winner.

In Life...

2010-09-13T08:52:00.002+10:00

... you don't get what you want - you get what you focus on.

What you focus on, will determine what goes into your sphere of reality. I have learned a lot from past relationships, but it had to take me this long staying single for me to learn this reality. And what is this reality? It is that you must focus on building a long lasting and loving relationship.

What was I doing wrong before? Well, much like my best friend's girlfriend, she kept focusing too much on what she didn't want rather than what she did want. Which was a mistake I did too. If you were to focus too much on your fear of abandonment, perhaps due to negative anchoring or negative past experiences, you will only perform actions which attracts abandonment. So, you don't want that.

What you do want is to focus on building a long lasting and loving relationship. And when you focus on that, you will behave in a way which attracts a long lasting and loving relationship. I have now learned to do that, thank God, haha. So if I see my.. hm.. I don't know what the term is for our relationship... but yeah.. When I see her with other guys, all I have to do is just walk up and be Alpha male. If it's to be, it's up to me. If it's not to be, things will just not work out naturally. I just have to keep demonstrating why the next person is more suitable to be with someone else... while we are meant for each other =)

As for my part, I have to make sure that I am not the cause of the negative aspects of the relationship. And since I am at cause for everything that happens in my world, I can be more creative and think of other ways by which I can secure a loving relationship. For example, just walk up to them and say, "Hi, I'm Wan... How's it going?" and just join their conversation like a normal human being would.

Part of the reason why this now works is perhaps because over here there aren't any language barriers for me, as apposed to my previous relationships. Communication is the key in any relationship and without chemistry and good communication, everything else will break down.

So I have faced a few incidents so far where I had to face the challenge of another guy trying to "cut-in" haha... But thank God, now I can just laugh and smile in face of such challenges. It's not easy dating a celebrity. But over time, you will learn these skills. Part of the reason could be that we've all grown up and matured since college, and hence everyone acts in an understanding fashion and often rational and takes care of the feelings of everyone around them.

Plus, we always bring out the best out of each other. And I think that's the whole point of going into a relationship. To give that drive to push you forward to achieve more.

In The Name of God...

2010-09-06T06:08:00.002+10:00

So when I tell people I am Muslim, their eyes go WIDE, a wide smile is carved on their faces, and they say: "You're not Muslim! Hahaha!" I was all like, "I am too! I've been fasting for the past like 25 days!" Yeah, so people thought that I just knew about all the hot spots on where to eat for free, but that's about as "religious" as I'll ever get haha. It's an understandable misconception since I also go to Harish Krishnan sometimes for free vegetarian food haha.

Obviously I am nothing like that though. After a short introduction as to what Islam is basically about, I am quite surprised at how positive people's responses have been. They always express interest saying how they "like this religion". I must always bear in mind that some of my other friends who sit at the table are religious too in their own beliefs, hence I must watch what I say so as to not offend them. For Allah says: "Revile not you those whom they call upon besides Allah, lest they out of spite revile Allah in their ignorance. Thus have We made alluring to each people its own doings. In the end will they return to their Lord, and We shall then tell them the truth of all that they did." (Holy Qur'an 6:108).

After the experiences that I've had, I can safely say, at least I can stimulate the interest of Christians, Buddhist and Atheists to the religion. Each one has a different approach to life, a strategy to happiness. What I try to do is simply enrich their map of reality; never to convert anyone. When I was talking to Rachel about Islam, Alex came in and smiled, "Oh you're preaching Islam now are you? Hahaha!" Like as if I'm such a joke of a Muslim! Haha. I like the light atmosphere God has enabled for us to talk about these things. And when Rachel asked if Alex was preached to at the kebab store, he said: "Didn't feel much like preaching if you ask me! Haha, bring on the iftar!"

However, at the table was one of my closest friends who is a vegetarian Buddhist. She's about being one with nature. Although her oneness with nature disrupts the natural balance of the ecosystem, I've gotta find another way to word that. Having lost many friends in high school because of my unrated attack on their respective religions, I vow not to do that again. I want to find the most wise way to give the message, getting the least amount of resistance possible. If they accept, it's their call. If they don't, it is God who guides and not me anyway so yeah.

Ramadan

2010-08-24T20:24:00.003+10:00

I really need to gain as much benefit as I can with Ramadan while it's still here. I haven't been taking full advantage of the extra rewards that's available in Ramadan. Perhaps it is because I lack reminders on how excellent this blessed month really is. Perhaps it's because I've been tried and tested so much this past couple of weeks, that my faith has decreased from all the challenges that I've had to go through. But when death reminds you of it's existence, and the thought that it can come to you at any moment in time connects itself in my train of thoughts... All my arguments, disappointments and complaints just falls apart. They seem insignificant. Almost as if I have no real arguments, nothing to stand upon.

My sin of loving a woman who is unlawful for me is a test that I keep failing on a consistent basis. I do feel like I should put my full trust in God, and trust that He will provide for me, as He has done with everything else. And the act of me disobeying His commands is almost as if a proof against my own soul of my ungratefulness to the One True God.

I feel guilty, yeah. But at the same time... Aw man. I lovi-ke her! Gimme a breakkk. Yeaa. I guess some things I might love although it's bad for me, and some things I might hate although it is good for me. It is God who knows, and I know not...

I'll just have to keep praying for God to grant me a wife or wives. Why is it so tough for me to get one, just settle down with P******* and just chill and live life and just... have a good time. Carefree. Get money for free. Live a good life. Eat good food. Give charity. And travel the world. She's from a business background, and she's got trade secrets in her family. But she's more into performance, singing, acting, etc. So you KNOW she's pretty. A celebrity.

How can I resist my soul mate? hahaa... Aight.. I need to download some Ramadan lectures is what I need to do. Later guys!

Leave a comment? Please leave a comment?

Every Girl I Like...

2010-08-23T08:39:00.002+10:00

... moves away to a different country.

Just my luck. Haha. Somehow I keep attracting / get attracted to people who are most likely to migrate to other countries. Which is probably why my goals and aspirations in life is to keep traveling the world and be on a continuous move, and settle down only as death approaches.

The girl I am currently into is most likely to move back to her homeland in about... 4 months from now. I don't like to think that this is the norm of modern society to have to say goodbye, but from what I've experienced.. Yeah, this is normal. Haha. In the words of Jack Black, "I'll be right back. Unless something goes horribly right!"

It made me think of people in the past who perhaps spend their entire life in one country, or one town. They never had to say goodbye. Yeah, that probably would not have been such an exciting journey.

Anyway, people keep telling me I'll find someone who I won't have to say goodbye to. Until then, I'm gonna spend as much time as I can with her. I keep imagining that maybe I won't have to say goodbye. Maybe she'll relocate to wherever I am. Maybe I'll relocate to where she is. But to be honest, I don't see myself being happy in her country. And I can see her living a much happier life in her country of birth, than to relocate to wherever I'll be.

So I guess there's nothing left but to live for the few moments we have left together. It's all about the moments? Nah, I believe I deserve more than mere moments. So I'm gonna play this one straight. See what happens. And accept the outcome.

It would be good to have tried and failed.

I Met a Malaysian Today!

2010-08-18T20:13:00.002+10:00

I was recording the lecture, and just happened to get this conversation as well. We talked about Malaysia and all the stuff we love about it... It's so nice to reminisce on all the good stuff. It helped that we can talk easily. It was fun.

And btw, so sorry I accidentally recorded this conversation but it's just been a while since I met anyone from Malaysia who is cool, if you don't count the ones I regularly meet and the guy I see in the mirror everyday.

Back to Basics

2010-07-27T07:08:00.002+10:00

I'm back in Sydney. There have been a lot of things that happened prior, during and since my departure from KL (best city evar). Missing my flight, leaving my old place, moving into a new one and having my first job experience in Sydney.

I'll spare you the details of all the mishaps that happened leading to all these events, and go straight to the solution. Everything that you miss, I believe, would never have reached you, no matter what you did. And everything that happens to you is a blessing.

This is one of my favorite concept in the Islamic religion - the topic of divine decree and acceptance of fate. It is said that our provision is already written for us, and everything we receive is destined, and everything we missed was never meant to reach us. But wait a minute, does that mean I just chill and my provisions will come to me no matter what? Of course not. You don't know what God has decreed for you, therefore you go out and seek your good provision. What you get, you thank God and seek His help. What you miss or do not get, you thank God and seek His help.

It is said that everything that happens to a Believer is a fortunate event. If he gets something good, he thanks his Lord and that is good for him. If something negative happens to him, he is patient, and that is good for him.

This whole idea of staying positive all the time sits very well with me. Especially when you live in the land of opportunity; applicable to both Sydney and KL, there is always something you can do. If you missed something, it's a good opportunity for you to learn how to do things differently and better. If you get something good, it's your opportunity to learn what was done right, and replicate that to keep producing positive results. But once it stops working, your failures would have taught you to have the flexibility necessary to become successful even more than ever before.

So let us give thanks to the One true God!

Something Cool - True Account in History

2010-07-11T15:13:00.003+10:00

When the Prophet  began to call the people to Islam publicly, Quraysh began to resist him even more severely. One of the things the Quraysh did was to discuss among themselves what to do about the Prophet’s call and the speed at which people were accepting his faith. They said, “Look for the most expert among you in magic, soothsaying and poetry, and let him approach the man who split our ranks, disunited us and insulted our religion. Let him converse with him and see what he says.”

They said, “We cannot think of anyone except ‘Utbah bin Rabi‘ah.”

They said to ‘Utbah, “You are the one, O Abu’l-Walid!” ‘Utbah was a very forbearing person. He said, “O Quraysh, do you want me to go and speak to him, and perhaps make him some offers he might accept?”

They said, “Yes, O Abul-Walid.”

‘Utbah got up and went to the Messenger of Allah . He found him sitting tranquilly. ‘Utbah came up to him and said, “O Muhammad! Who is better, you or ‘Abdullah?”

The Prophet  remained silent in honour of his father.

He said, “Who is better, you or ‘Abd al-Muttalib?”

He  remained silent in respect for his grandfather.

‘Utbah said, “If you think that they were better than you, then how did they worship the gods you have insulted? And if you think that you are better than them, then speak so we may hear you say it.”

Before the Prophet  could respond, ‘Utbah lashed out in rage, “By Allah, we have seen no other man who has brought such great a calamity to a nation as you have done. You have disunited us, split our ranks, insulted our religion, and brought disgrace to us as everyone is now saying that Quraysh have a magician! There is nothing left to wait for except the moment when we brandish our swords and begin to kill each other.”

‘Utbah was displaying his anger as the Prophet  listened silently, sitting well composed. ‘Utbah then decided to bargain with the Prophet , so he said, “If you are doing all this with a view to gaining wealth, then we will join together to give you greater riches than any person from Quraysh has possessed. If ambition moves you, we will make you our chief. If you desire kingship we will readily offer you that. If you are under the power of an evil spirit which seems to haunt and dominate you so that you cannot shake off its yoke, then we shall call in skilful physicians to cure you.”

‘Utbah continued to speak in this unworthy manner with the Prophet , trying to bargain with him, whilst the Prophet  remained silent and calm. After ‘Utbah had made the offer of leadership, wealth, women and even treatment for insanity, he fell silent, waiting for a response.

The Prophet  raised his gaze to him and said, “Have you finished, O Abu al-Walid?”

‘Utbah was not surprised at the manners of the Prophet , and simply replied, “Yes.”

The Prophet  said, “Now listen to me.”

“Alright”, said ‘Utbah.

The Prophet  then recited the verses, “In the Name of Allah, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful. Ha-Meem. A revelation from Allah, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful. A Book whereof the verses are explained in detail; — a Qur’an in Arabic for people who know. Giving glad tidings and warning, but most of them turn away, so they listen not.”

The Prophet  continued to recite the verse as ‘Utbah listened. Suddenly, ‘Utbah sat on the ground and his body shook. He placed his hands behind him and rested on them as he listened to the verses. The Prophet  continued to recite until he approached the verse, “If they turn away, then say to them: I warn you of a thunderbolt similar to that which struck ‘Aad and Thamud.”

‘Utbah was utterly terrified when he heard this warning and threat of punishment. He jumped up and placed his hand on the mouth of the Prophet  to prevent him from reciting further. But the Prophet  continued to recite until the verse of prostration, after which he prostrated. When he raised his head up from prostration, he gazed at ‘Utbah and said, “Did you hear that, O ‘Utbah?”

“Yes”, replied ‘Utbah.

The Prophet  said, “Now, it is up to you.”

‘Utbah left to go back to his companions as they impatiently waited for him. When he approached them they said to each other, “I swear by Allah, he has returned with a different complexion!”

When he sat with them they asked, “What happened, O Abu al-Walid?”

He said, “What happened is that I heard words the like of which I have never heard before. By Allah, they weren’t the words of poetry, magic or soothsaying. O people of Quraysh! I request you to heed my advice and grant the man full freedom to pursue his goals, in which case you could safely detach yourselves from him. I swear that his words will one day triumph. O people! I heard him say: ‘In the Name of Allah, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful. Ha-Meem. A revelation from Allah, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful – to his words – I warn you of a thunderbolt similar to that which struck ‘Aad and Thamud.’

As he said that, I placed my hand on his mouth, and begged him, in the name of our ties of kinship, to stop! You know very well that when Muhammad says something he doesn’t lie. I feared that punishment may descend upon you.”

Abu al-Walid then remained silent as he reflected, while his companions stared at him.

He then said, “By Allah, there is sweetness in what he says. There is beauty in what he says, as if its top is fruit and its bottom is water. It is overwhelming and cannot be subdued. It obliterates everything beneath it. No man can say this. No man can say this.”

They said, “This is just poetry, O Abu al-Walid! Just poetry!”

He said, “By Allah, no one is more knowledgeable than me concerning poetry! There is no one more knowledgeable about Rajaz (poetical rhyme) and poems than me! Or even the poetry of the Jinn! By Allah, what he says is not similar to any poetry!”

‘Utbah continued to discuss the Prophet  with them. Although, ‘Utbah did not accept Islam, there is no doubt that his soul did incline towards it. Contemplate how the Prophet’s noble manners and his technique of listening to ‘Utbah attentively affected him, even though he was a sworn enemy of Islam.

Eminem is Back!

2010-06-19T17:51:00.003+10:00

My favorite rapper, Eminem, is back! I was completely disappointed by his last 3 albums, and thought that he's finally lost it, and he's out of my life for good. Chris Howard was the new Eminem. And Chris Howard IS the new Eminem. But now Eminem has made a comeback. His new video is impressive, and THIS song actually represents what I would want to express too! Something we can all relate to at this time in our lives, where we empower ourselves with tools to help us succeed, and he talks of being able to achieve our dreams, goals, and aspirations. THIS is the Eminem that is awesome. I am buying his album when it comes out this Monday!

A Change in Focus Changes Your Reality

2010-06-15T13:47:00.002+10:00

I'm sure you've heard me use this phrase many times before in the past few months, but the statement is just so true. It has had a profound impact for me in my life. Some might think that it's not much of a sentence, but breakthroughs are relative. What is big for me might not be big for you, what is big for you might not be so for me. The important thing that we must all do is to have respect for the other person's model of the world.

Since Shrek, I have written and deleted 2 posts which I had attempted to write about what is going on currently in my love life. But you know what? I'll save it for when something real happens. The important thing that I want to share with you guys is that I'm doing fine, and you too can do fine if you only shift the flashlight of your focus to the positive. If you've had bad experiences in the past, which I'm sure many of us do, just recall the words of Donald Trump: "Learn from the past, but don't stay there; it wastes time. Look for solutions that will help you reach your current and future goals."

Until then - think big, live large, and take a few leaps of faith. You'll be glad you did =D

True Love's Kiss

2010-06-10T21:48:00.003+10:00

So far, with all the entrepreneurial books I've been reading, the places I've allowed my imagination to run wild, the destinations in the world I've been imagining to travel to, the gadgets I plan to buy, the properties I'm saving up to invest in, the stocks I've purchased, the jobs I've applied for, the events I've had the opportunity to help organize, the important people I've got to rub shoulders with, the events I got to rock out at, the call to prayers I've got to make, the groups I got to lead, the prayers I got to join, the studying I've got to indulge in, the group collaborations I've got to enjoy... have kept my mind away from entertaining ideas of family life and relationships with the opposite sex.

Until... 30 minutes ago, when I watched the latest Shrek movie haha. I highly recommend it to everyone, and I say it's just as good as the first movie in terms of its romanticism.

The Language We Use

2010-06-02T19:55:00.005+10:00

Increase your vocabulary in the area of things you want to be successful in. For if you can't speak the language, you cannot think beyond your current thinking. As Einstein once said: "The significant problems we face cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them." The decisions that we make about the events that happens in our lives is more important than the event themselves. It is your thinking and the decision you make that determines your world. So the question is - what are the decisions that you've made throughout your life? Your decisions will determine the boundaries of your world.

By changing yourself inside you, that's where true change occurs.

Reality is a subjective experience.

The language you use determines what appears inside your world and how you sort your world. In fact, Robert Kiyosaki said "If you want to increase your wealth, the only thing you need to do is increase your financial vocabulary." The only thing that differentiates us from animals is that they are unable to think like we do, and language is what allowed us to think on multiple planes like that. So your language determines where your thoughts are even allowed to travel.

If you don't have the language of investing, for example, you can't even think about the kind of deals that billionaires are doing.

So just understanding and increasing your language will allow you to think in new ways which causes you to sort differently in the world which then has the potential of changing your focus. In fact, you can't not change your focus and learn a new language simultaneously because the only way you can learn a new language is by having new materials, having new conversations, finding new mentors. So that inherently in itself is going to change your focus and plane field of pure potentiality and bring more wealth into your experience.

So your language will determine what's available to you.

A Big Learning Machine is a Big Earning Machine

2010-05-22T10:08:00.003+10:00

I've been learning a lot about the art of social dynamics in the past few months, having been given a lot of opportunities to learn, grow and evolve, and to re-discover my true potentialities as a contributor to this world. Because the ability was always there. Reality is created by validation, and thus when you put yourself in a situation where your reality is conducive to promoting your self-growth, personal development and success, there is no reason to even want to be aware of the negativity around you, as they are no longer in your sphere of reality. And sometimes, people need to do that for their personal evolution.

There are just too many information out there that we cannot possibly be aware of everything, so we filter the information we get based on our critical factor to help us delete, distort and generalize information that we see in front of us. The key to doing this well is to delete, distort and generalize information in a way that benefits us.

Pretty people, where ya at? Haha. I have rediscovered beautiful people in this world, and they are not based on looks (obviously). I grew up in Kuala Lumpur, live in Taman Tun, went to school in DJ, and live in Sydney for years now mixing with people from all sorts of different backgrounds, cultures, religions, beliefs, and values. Beauty is not defined by outlook appearance, this is way too common. What is not common is a great outlook, a great personality, a great energy. I've been actively seeking out such people to include them in my sphere of reality (which in turn gives positive validation, which becomes true in your reality), and I have found them from all walks of life. From positively energized pick-up artists, to the most generous of religious anthropologists.

They exist in people of every culture, every background, every lifestyle. From Thailand, to American, to English people, to Australians, to Saudis, and Malaysians. I can hardly believe how easy it is for a shift in consciousness to shift your entire reality. When old negative patterns begin to erupt and try to take its shape, I can look at the situation from a whole new perspective, and look the person in the eyes and turn it around to allow them to see their own underlying issues which they need to resolve. This is so as to help them, too, to learn, grow and evolve. Truly, you are at cause for everything that happens in your world.

I was acting all cool on Thursday, but I was actually REALLY excited to find out the girl whose number I got a week before was waiting for me outside of tutorial so I can walk her to her car. Oh yeah. Marrying an Aussie is in my sphere of reality baby! Haha!

All this sounds really good, but there is no substitute for the Holy Qur'an. For although I do things to create a positive outlook for me in my life for my own personal evolution, I do realize of the series of unfortunate events that takes place in Bangkok and how it affects my immediate friends. In that situation, I stay out of it completely.. But it does make you realize that there is something out there that is bigger than life as we know it, and there are things we cannot possibly comprehend, in that - humans are indefinitely in need of divine guidance.

It's About Empowerment

2010-05-13T10:34:00.005+10:00

As I am constantly surrounding myself around leaders, who are so strong and tough that even at the peak of physical pain of a broken ankle, their strong mental health allows them to still go out there and get things done.. with a smile on their face! "Courage is not the absence of fear, courage is the realization that there is something more important than fear." Were they tired? Yes. Were they in pain? Yes. Did they gave in? No. Did that stop them? No.

A strong mental aptitude is not a gift. It is built. "Cry in training so that you laugh in battle." Michael Jordon speaks of how he missed thousands of shots, lost hundreds of games, and his failure "allowed him to be successful".

Even so, leaders aren't always in a high warrior spirit at all times. There are times when they, too, are down. And kicked while they're down. I see them in their weak moments, their eyes lowered down to recall a past vivid feeling of perhaps some internal negative emotion that are still unresolved in their lives. I am not saying I know so much that I am observing them, but I'm saying that they are people too! And if they can be put down, so can I. But the important thing is how you handle the pressure. And that's what it's about. Learning from them how the pressure is handled.

I am reading and going out there consistently trying to model the greatest leaders in my everyday life. Among them includes Obama, Chris Howard, Donald Trump, Richard Brandson, David Bach, and many others. If you want advice on becoming an entrepreneur, you don't go to "Uncle Joe who lives in his car" for advice. "I wanted to be a millionaire so I hung around millionaires until I became one. Then I wanted to be a billionaire, so I hung around billionaires until I became one." It's all about pursuing the dream. And I have a dream.

A shift of consciousness can really shift your entire reality. When I went to tutorial yesterday, and in lectures these past few days, as well as other times... I hardly ever notice this... but my guy friends always tease me about how they always see me hanging around pretty girls. I don't notice this myself, but when I try to think about it consciously.. they were right. I talked to Linda outside of class, I sat next to a (different) Linda in class.. The Jew girl sitting across me kept smiling at me.. I smiled back cause I thought she was just being friendly.. but then I thought.. "Is there something on mah face?"

But yeah, with what the guys have been telling me, I think I have to stop going around high-fiving every hot girl I meet. Am I being shallow?

Hell na. Why decide a negative characteristic for myself when solid actions haven't even been taken yet? Let me just call one of them after all work is done today, and see if she wants to hang out Friday night. THEN I'll decide whether or not I'm shallow. Ha ha.

Feelings change. Emotions change. No matter how you start off, the FEAR of being something you don't want to be is simply an imaginary fear. Why decide that I'm going to be a bad person if I were to do something, when I haven't even done it yet? Why limit my decisions?

Ha-ha. I have started arguing how things CAN work for me. You scared much? Well, you shouldn't be. My dream is to eradicate poverty and end world hunger, and to work alongside the likes of Bill Gates and other entrepreneurial anthropologists who shares a similar vision.

The Night Life We Begin With Open Arms

2010-05-03T07:43:00.003+10:00

Like soldiers, march on... till we see the sun. Through the good times, through the bad times, through the long days, through the hard nights..

Even when there's no one there for you - march on. Even when the days are long for you - march on.

I don't know why that song's in my head. Last night was one of the longest nights I've slept for a few months now. 10 whole hours. Feels goood. It's a catch up on sleep that's been long overdue. To those of you who don't know, I've only been getting 5-6 hours a day of sleep, due to action packed days. I've been going around telling people how sleeping is a waste of time lol, which is a believe I still hold on to. "Life is for me to work, and death is my rest", is that good or good? That's fantastic.

Just one night of oversleeping, and already I missed a great opportunity to be with the successful leaders. I woke up at 7.30AM, to find a text from this girl at 5.15AM asking if I want to go running at 6AM. I missed out, mann.

I could have watched the sunrise with her, and I would be sipping latte right now, speaking of life, plans, businesses and the future that we want to build for ourselves. This is the cool thing about these kids. The best thing I would say. They all have leadership qualities, and when I throw a crazy idea at them like: "My dream is to build a hotel", they throw back at me positive ideas like "Oh I have an uncle in the business. If you want to do that, you need to have..." etc. Empowerment is my drug.

A drug that I have as something to look forward to, besides some side dish instant gratification of a few, slightly forbidden, activities. Which in the end it burns us all out. But we always brush the dust, give ourselves a few days off to recollect our thoughts, and head out and keep doing what we do. It's excellent. I've never thought that there exists a people like this.. but they're out there.

Like Eminem and 8 Mile, I'm stuck between two worlds of this, and the Islamic community, whom I see each and every single day when I go to the mosque. Sure the two worlds don't match, but there are a lot of common goals which overlaps each other. And if anything, I believe the skills I am building myself for can only be good for the community, should I choose to use that power to help them.

Money don't make people bad, money brings out in you who you really are. So the question is - who are you?

You can only do 3 things with your time. Waste it. Sell it. Invest it. I am investing in something worth the investment: Myself.

Obama's Magic

2010-04-28T12:29:00.006+10:00

I am reminded every single day that I am not a perfect man.

I will not be a perfect president.

But I can promise you this:

I will always tell you what I think and where I stand. I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially, when we disagree. And most importantly, I will open the doors of government and ask you to be involved in your own democracy again.

When You Don't Come Home...

2010-04-24T21:22:00.003+10:00

... then you know you've had fun! Ha ha

Last night was possibly one of the best nights I've had in my life. Very entertaining. But it's over now. Go on and take a bowww. Lol.

In terms of opportunities, it all seems to grow and doors seem to be opening again and again. I'm not going to let it pass. I'll get my work done, get my studies straight, keep up with work, and at the end of the week... boom boom cha. Party up in heree lolz. I've never actually enjoyed parties and stuff like that that much. Smiles seem fake. Promises seem vague. Friendship seem nonexistent. Relationships seem delusional... And everybody knows it.

But last night was one of the better nights. I decided to let go of one thing for another, and I'm quite glad I did. I will do the other thing next week though lol. But man oh man, what a fun night. I hope I can have another night like that again. I love it.

The best is the phone call the day after. I'm surprised how comfortable I was talking on the phone. I'm usually quite nervous. But yeah, I ain't going to shy away no more. Rise up to the challenge, and allow yourself to shine. Because when you do, you allow others to shine along with you!

The changes you make affect others around you. The changes you don't make affect others around you. So start making positive changes in your life. Take charge! And remember, if a thing is humanly possible - consider it to be within your reach!

And yet, there is still so much more to learn! =D

St John's College is Awesome

2010-04-17T08:00:00.002+10:00

Omg I had no idea what I've been missing out on! Last night I got to hang out with one of the walkers on the path to success at her humble abode and holy shiznit, I looked outside the window and I was like "So this is what the world looks like!" She's experiencing on campus life as we all should. Best of all, it's not cause she's excessively rich or anything. Well maybe she is, but that's not what financed her stay in St. John's.

She's got a scholarship from 2, that's right, 2 different providers which pays for a lot of her expenses, including the over the top $400/week rent. She eats provided college food, and yet still have money to eat out and go party!

I wish I have more time here to learn more from these people and their parents and the right people who gives them these great advices. Cos from the way she explained things to me, I could have easily done what she did, and have what she has, if I only KNEW about it and took the right STEPS in achieving it!

Fortunately, last night, I realized that the company I currently keep is great, and there is an even more awesome company around that I fit into better. Thank GOD I hung out with her last night. Had the best time evar, and received more invites and more access to more events! People with entrepreneurial mindset are truly living it up. And they're rich. AND they're nice. AND they don't bother you with bullshit. Like, it's ALL good. It's a beautiful company.

And the chick's cool too.

I am so looking forward to all the hangouts and after-party events and personal movie nights and.. oh my God.. the right mindset takes you to places!!

Rise Up to the Challenge

2010-04-15T14:41:00.003+10:00

Omg there are so much to do with so little time to do it. Actually, not so little time. Enough time to do them all. Still, there are lots to do. Which is actually kind of awesome cos now life is often action packed. And this is all as a result of a new outlook in life, thanks to Allah of course, for bringing Chris Howard's program into my life and putting entrepreneurship tools into my hands. I believe that everything that happens happens for a reason, and I believe that I am meant to be doing what I am doing for a greater grandeur purpose that I myself don't necessarily know yet.

This echos back to what I've always been mentioning in my past writings. I often talk about how there is something I need to do, I just don't know it yet. How there is something out there for me, but I'm just not sure what it is. And how I am going to go and experience umrah, in search of my true personalized life purpose ordained and written for me.

I believe Christopher Howard's program was but a boost in my life's journey, which is still a long way ahead of me. My friend once said: "Normalcy is not something to aspire to, it's something to get away from." I already have so much plans of what I want to do once I graduate. So much I want to achieve. Still so much I want to experience. Still so many places I want to visit. And still so many challenges I want to overcome. So many things I want to learn. So many limitations I want to break from.

I am glad and thankful for the people I have around me. And I am thankful for all the experiences that I've had in my life. They're all starting to fit in together as pieces of puzzle to reveal the true bigger picture revealing my life's true purpose.

I know I have many weaknesses, but so long as I am willing to learn and rise above the challenges of the moment, there is no estimation of what I can accomplish. We often over exaggerate what we can accomplish in the moment, yet underestimate what we can accomplish in a lifetime.

And this is what it's all about. Going for what I can accomplish in a lifetime. Or die trying. And I'd rather walk on this path of success and never reach the end, than to leave not having walked on it at all. I believe what we do and what we think should be the expression of our soul's purpose. We should believe in what we do.

I am actually constantly meeting people who have already figured this out, and are actually walking the path to success. These people are happy, and I love to be around them. And there is still much that I can learn from them. And I am still learning, whilst constantly putting myself in situations where I will be in their sphere of reality, so that I may learn and expand and grow.

Once the next task is over, there is still much to do. Like drawing a map for the first time, reaching one end reveals much wonders which keeps you going forever.

And I Want It Right NOW

2010-04-10T15:35:00.009+10:00

And I want it right NOW!

Going to Gold Coast and meeting all of the characters from Nickelodeon has brought out the child in me. The little spoil brat who wants everything and he wants it right now! All of my siblings I'm sure will gladly testify that I would throw a fit in the shopping mall if I didn't get the toy that I wanted and I wanted it right there and then.

Fortunately for me, that is exactly what Chris Howard said we need to have in order to achieve our greatest dreams: To have a ferocious curiosity and strong determination to reach our dreams and to want to reach it right NOW. To put all of our focus and attention on the things that we WANT, and to ask the right questions "How do I GET it NOW?" and argue in my favor as to "Why I CAN do this right NOW".

If you want it bad enough, you will certainly get it.

Do not waste your time thinking about the things that you don't want in your life, because if you put your thoughts and attention on the things that you don't want, you will only attract that which you think about. And you will only get that which you don't want! And how dis-empowering is that!?

So think about what you DO want. Ask yourself this question: "How can I do this NOW and EASILY?" Write 20 answers. Pick the top 5. Take immediate action!

Unfortunately what I want right now is to be back in Dreamworld and WhiteWater World with my friends. I can't stop thinking about that big yellow sponge! The rides! Rugrats! Spongebob! Angry Beavers! Scooby Doo! Fairly Odd Parents!! ALL of my ALL TIME FAVORITE cartoon characters, LIVE in front of me!

When I ride the roller coasters, images and flashbacks from scenes of the actual movie flashes in my head, and songs start to play "I am Reptar, hear me roar! I am Reptar the king of dinosaur!" And then I ride on the Reptar Ride, imagining that I am WITH Tommy, Chuckie, Phil and Lil and Dill in the Reptar Wagon. Dayymmnn son. It's like I got to go back to a time when I was a kid!

And the water park, with all the water splish splashing everywhere! It was crazy and it was SO exciting! And the moderate thrilling slides were JUST as good as I had always dreamed of when I was a kid! It was exactly how I imagined it, and even more! As the tub of unexpected water was there to break my fall.

And the only thing I can think of right now is to be back there and running around again before I get too old for this stuff. Wait a minute, I'm ALREADY too old for this stuff! Well, what can we do? We can't go to clubs, or drink, or dance, or have a gf. Reptar here I come, then!

Haha just kidding. But it was a good experience and an excellent holiday. Part of me is really saddened because I know that I probably will not go back there ever again. But that's what I really want and I want it right now.

So what can I do?

>Study for my mid-sem exam this MONDAY
>Get good grades
>Get a good job
>Get paid
>Get a wife
>Make some kids
>Go to Nickelodeon Studios at Universal Studios, Florida!

No wonder I'm single. Ha-ha!

Hm.. Yeaa....

2010-04-01T18:55:00.003+11:00

Hm yeah that made sense.

Sorry I haven't written here in a while now. Figured I don't get much readers up in here, I might as well be a reader. Which is what I've been doing after going to Chris Howard's seminar. I've got big goals now, and therefore I try to surround myself with big people who have achieved big things. I read books from Chris Howard, Donald Trump, Richard Brandson, Warren Buffet, Jewish Wisdom for Business Success, Mars and Venus.. and things of that nature. Self improvement books basically. Oh yes, also, religious books as well. As I truly believe that religious books help me keep my intentions pure. I am surprised how many religious people there are out there who are in the business world. People are now, more than ever, motivated by their values which drives them to take action. Value-driven goals are much better than Pain vs Pleasure.

But damn, that song up there is deep. If someone were to sing that to me (which I'm guessing probably no one) but if there was someone... then I'd probably feel pretty badddd. I mean, holy shit. Did you hear the lyrics? Makes me wanna tear up, turn the PC off and cry myself to sleep. Which is probably why so many of my friends hates Justin Timberlake.

You're right. I'm sorry. I apologize. You're stressed. My fault. Fuck I messed up. Shit why did I even left you at that specific time. I should have been there. I do actually care. And I did it because I cared. I thought it was the right thing to do.

People make the best decisions in their lives based on the resources that they have at the time.

I can look back at my life now, at different specific situations in my life and think "Damn, holy shit why the heck did I do that?!" Or, "why didn't I do that!" Or, "I can't believe I said that, God that was a dumb thing to do!" but man, you can't beat yourself up about it. You just have to understand that back then, at that time, at that moment, you didn't know what you know now. So you only made the best decision given the resources that you had at the time.

And that implies forgiveness. Because then, you can forgive other people easier and say to yourself that "They did that because that was the best thing that they thought would be at the time." And really, when you forgive other people... I believe that truly, you are only forgiving a part of yourself.

Can't let things like that hold you back in life. Feel the weight of that emotion and what it has cost you in your life. And look ahead at how it will continue to cost you in your life... if you weren't to do something about it now.

There's always something you can do.

Reading books is a good start. I would highly recommend that. Empower yourself. Live the life you were meant to live. If you don't follow your dreams, you are dis-empowering not only yourself, but the other people around you as well. But when you make the decision to shine, you allow others to shine along with you as a result of your decision to step up.

Breakthrough to Success Weekend

2010-03-15T09:26:00.003+11:00

So I had a really long weekend last weekend. Very empowering. Exhilarating. Profound. And I came home full of motivational quotes, a positive outlook on life, pumped and ready to commit and achieve my dream. I have a whole manual from the seminar which I've scribbled down every little thing that I learned, and inshaAllah this determination will continue until eventually I'll achieve my ultimate goal.. which is, if any of you know me, you would know what that is.

If it's to be, it's up to me. Things have turned around my way a little since I went to the seminar. I get more things done. I no longer procrastinate on uni work, personal commitments and religion. All because someone told me "Are you good at procrastinating? Then procrastinate that (i.e. procrastination)". I highly encourage everyone to go to this seminar. There's another one happening (on the topic of wealth creation) in May, of which I already have 50 tickets for. And I am giving that out to you guys cos I love you... free of charge! You know why? Cos the best things in life are free. So if your company costs me $10... must be not that good. Ha ha.

I am now a committee member on the Malaysian Society in uni. I also met a recruiter of Deloitte who wants to hook me up with an undergraduate position right here in Sydney. And yeah, if I show enough commitment and focus on my dreams, realize that I have abundant resources around me to realize my goals, dreams and aspirations. All I need to have on my part is a ferocious curiosity and love for the things that I do. Then the money factor will come naturally. I just wanna be so good in what I do, they can't take their eyes off of me. "I never wanted to be a businessmen, I just want to take over the world".

Here's a little clip of what the seminar was like. The beginning part of the audio clip is just a buncha crap that I'm saying. Skip to minute 5 and you'll see how transformational the experience was. And this clip certainly does not do justice to what the actual experience was like.

If you wanna know more about this guy, his name is Chris Howard. His latest book "Instant Wealth, Wake Up Rich" is really good, I am reading it at the moment along with a bunch of other books. It's amazing how much I can do with 24 hours after attending this seminar. I used to not have much time. But now I feel like I have enough time to do everything.

Oprah: "I would not have known any other reality than the poverty and misery that I saw around me in my community, if it weren't for the books that I read" which expanded her map of reality, and made her the first African-American women to hit the billionaire club.

The seminar have been empowering more than anything else. I highly recommend you guys to look up Chris Howard's product, and realize that you too can achieve your goals and aspirations, just like so many before you have achieved. Expand your map of reality and live the rich life you were meant to live.

Annoying Enigma

2010-03-07T07:47:00.004+11:00

Do you sometimes get pissed, but you're not quite sure exactly what you are pissed about? Limb Bizkit's "It's just one of those days, when you don't want to wake up. Everything is fucked, everybody sucks!" would describe that day very well indeed. All of this anger often comes from some crap that I see in front of me, but I refrained from saying anything. I need to start saying stuff.

But what would you do, or say, if you are in my shoes. I'll tell you the situation, and perhaps you can help me out with the decision.

One of your best friends is.. kind of a player. Like, he hits on girls when he already has a gf, which is fine, I don't mind it at all. In fact I am known to always back up dudes who wants to go for multiple girlfriends at a time lolz. But this time around, I wasn't too happy with his approach cos he makes physical advances a little too quick, while at the same time, I know he doesn't even like that girl (I know cos he tells me). I often back up my friends who wants to have multiple girlfriends, cos most of them usually actually love both girls. And when I say love, I mean would enjoy having long conversations with them, and would enjoy spending time with them, and tells me of their dream of one day having a family with them. So I support that. But this. Damnnnnn. It goes against everything I believe in, really. It wouldn't bother me as much if I am not there.. so perhaps next time around I would have to pass on outings where he wants to hit on innocent girls. Far out.

And part of it is also cos I go to bullshit outings when I actually would rather do something else. Like, going to 1Utama. 1Utama in Sydney. But it seems like I'm the only one who is interested in going to malls and window shop till I drop. Now the weekend's almost over, and I barely got to do what I wanted to do. And I barely got to hang out with the people I want to hang out with. Which was not a problem back when I was living on my own.

But I guess that's what I have to deal with .. a lot of give and take for Allah's sake. I bet once the semester picks up and we get busy, these things will not be much of a problem anymore. But yeah. I gotta talk to that guy about this. But what will I say?

Summer School and Holiday

2010-02-25T00:30:00.003+11:00

Summer school was possibly one of the scariest things I've done in my life so far. It's a crammed course with little opportunities to screw up. But in a way, even if I did it in the full semester, somehow I think I probably would not have done more studying even though I would have more time to absorb the materials and work through them. Just a thought.

Results for summer school isn't out yet which makes me nervous as hell as failing again cannot be an option for me, although it's not too far from reality. All I can do is pray for the best and God knows I've done my best preparing for it. So we'll just have to wait and see, and whatever result I get I'll just have to believe that it is the best result for me. So, yeah.

Soon after summer school I've been hanging out a lot with my ex-housemates and uni friends, hanging out at the beach as well as at their respective houses. It was a lot of fun for two days, after which I left Sydney to have the ultimate holiday getaway in Adelaide. Adelaide's treating me well so far with its cheap expenses and lots of nature.

The guy I am staying with apparently is a lot more popular than I initially anticipated. He's like the president for the Malaysian society so he has a lot of activities to do, and introduced me to a lot of new people, all of them Malaysians. Being here gives me a lot of opportunity to socialize which only helped me realize how retarded I am. "Fake and Gay!". I probably would have to speak Malay more often and when I'm back in Sydney, I made a deal with my roommate to speak Malay with him every other day.. Thus far, all of my attempts have been a big fail but hopefully this will be good. Also, I want to learn (like really learn) Arabic and Mandarin. Cause I believe learning these two languages will be beneficial for me in the long run, given the geographical location of our country and the obvious advantages of being multilingual, plus having the advantage of already known much of the basics of these languages seems to be quite a waste for me not to have a go at it, and I mean really having a go at it. And by the time I reach 27, if I still can't master those languages, then I'll consider it as a big fail. PWNED.

In Adelaide, the awesome combination of Hungry Jacks (bread and meat is like the best thing!), the beach, the lake, picnic, drive-through movies (watch movies under the stars), swimming, dolphin watching cruise, fishing and the safari has absolutely been the makes of an excellent holiday. There are still more things to look forward to in the next two days (safari, scenic drives, and catching crabs), and then after that it is back to reality as I know it. Part of me is glad that I'll be back to more familiar faces, but part of me wishes this doesn't have to end. I have made a lot of new friends while I am here, and the jokes they crack are funny as hell, and I've gotten to know them a lot in the past couple of days... So it will be quite sad to leave them all behind.

Shura made a killer comment tonight. We had a really long day today, and after the movie under the stars, we thought we'd stop by at Kaisa's house to have dinner (leftovers from picnic by the lake). It was around 11pm, and everyone's so exhausted from hanging out the entire day.. and Kaisa.. before we even got into the house.. while we're waiting outside in the cold.. waiting for him to put his keys in the door.. he said: "Apa kata korang balik?" LMAO. And he said it in all seriousness, which made is funnier, cause it's not just his house but it's a shared house, and his other housemate Penk said how he had never 'halau'-ed a guest out before and everybody just cracks up laughing. You probably don't think this is funny.. but yeah.. you had to be there.

I met a girl here whom I think is quite interesting and could make for a good.. whatever.. but I'm not sure about pursuing anything right now. I'm gonna give it a shot, and get to know her a little bit better tomorrow at the Safari. But I dunno. Kind of doubting it, but at the same time I am quite interested. So we'll see.

Alright I gotta run. Early day tomorrow and it's half past midnight now. Catch you guys soon.

2 Camels in a Tiny Car

2010-02-08T07:06:00.007+11:00

Clean this room, all day long... clean this room while I sing this song.

Every time you follow the sunna of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) in terms of recitations before going to sleep, you are bound to have the best sleep evar! Here's a beautiful website on supplications. Among the things you can do before sleeping. Pray 'Isha. After 'Isha, go to bed immediately. Go to bed in a state of ablution, or make ablution before going to bed if you don't already have it. Recite last 3 Sura's of the Qur'an (the 3 Quls). Ayat-ul-Kursi. Last 2 verses of al-Baqara. As-sajdah. Al-Mulk. Supplication before going to bed "O Allah, I have submitted myself to You, and I have submitted my matters to You, and I have faced my face towards You, and I have resorted to You, as a fear and love to You, there is no way, or no place, for me to run to or go to except to You. I believe in the Book that You have revealed, and the prophets that You've sent."

And when waking up "All praise is for Allah who has given me life after He has given me death, and unto Him is the resurrection". Then make ablution, and pray 2 rakaa'h (units) of prayer. Then, you really wake up feelin' like P. Diddy. In fact, better. P. Diddy don't even feel this good! Ha ha.

(All of these practices will make much more sense if you knew the history, meaning, and interpretations of it all, so I suggest going to this website, and do a "Sleep" search to find out more. Otherwise, the more simplified version of its evidence can be found here.)

I'm-a try and keep this routine up as much as I can. And starting this week, insha Allah, I want to start going to Lakemba mosque again once a week, every week, to just pray and listen to talks. Back at home, it's sweet cause I drive up to the mosque every single day and listen to talks once a week. But now, I'm reduced to only going to the mosque once a week, along with the talk. That'll still be a big leap, compared to what I'm doing now.. Which is.. Figuring out what to do. Goin' on YouTube. TV. iPhone apps. Reading Harry Potter. You know?? And that just makes you dead. You should respond to the call of God and His Messenger when they invite you to that which gives you life.

And once you've got this lifestyle locked down, you can be like, "Yeah, two camels in a tiny car!"

Observe.

Regret

2010-02-04T15:27:00.002+11:00

I posted something about regret two posts ago, and how it affects you up to a point where you are missing out on some good sleep. That's bad.

But I've figured something out.

Most people regret the things that they've done, and those things are mostly related to this worldly life, in its literal sense. But imagine this. If you had the chance to interview someone who's dead, and ask him his regrets.. imagine what he would say.

From there, you will know what constructive actions you should take, and put the past behind you, and look ahead and you will know how you can improve your life and have a richer experience.

ps. You will find the dead guy's answer to that question in the Qur'an.

Bluebox Jellyfish

2010-02-01T22:24:00.008+11:00

Ah summer days. Where would I be without you.

Summer in Australia is filled with a lot of fun. Mundane, moderate fun.. but still fun. It consists mostly of discovering what the iPhone 3GS can do (I just got one yeah), and watching movies, series, learning how to cook new dishes.. and.. the beach! Ah. Australian beach is the best, I gotta say. If 1Utama was a beach, it would be Bondi Beach. That's right.

My friend and I have been to Bondi beach a few times. Enjoyed our time swimming there and it's great. Only its a bit far from here, maybe 30 mins drive. There's another beach that is closer. It's called Coogee beach. So we went there on Sunday, which was yesterday. The weather was fine. The girls are pretty. The waves were HUGE. Perfect time to swim in the big waves. Nothing like body surfing, and swimming with eyes closed to the huge waves pushing you back to shore. It's a great, refreshing experience. Fo' shiz.

Ouch! Did my leg hit something? Oh shoot. I think that was a jellyfish! Walked back to shore. Checked out my ankles. Hm. They look fine. Maybe it was just seaweed.. or a stick. It's fine. I'm-a jump back into the ocean. A huge wave is coming. Woo hoo!

After the big wave, got up to my feet. Saw that thing up there. It looked like plastic. Like trash. But it's blue and boxy and transparent. My friend and I stared at it. It looked cool. Almost like a reflex, I wanted to pick it up to have a closer look to see what it is.

Yeah, it hurt. The sucker stung me. But I'm a man. I can take it. I'm like, whoa shoot. That was a jellyfish! My friend just laughed, of course. We walked back to the shore, and to the First Aid booth, just to be sure I wasn't gonna die (people have died cause the toxic can put you in cardiac arrest within minutes). I was pretty sure I wasn't gonna die. It's just a jellyfish sting. Ha.

2 minutes later, I was freaking out. Damn, this really hurt. The guy at the booth gave me a pack of ice, and said that that's pretty much the only thing I could do. I was thinking, really? I heard urine helps. But whatever, ice is enough I suppose. I can take this... no prob. Ha!

5 minutes later, I was in the bathroom doing something that will make you, the beautiful reader, want to take a shower. Holy shit it hurts like crazy!! And it didn't help!!!! I washed it off with the pack of ice. It hurts so bad, up to a point where the only thing I can think of is the pain. Once I came out of the bathroom, my friend told me about this chick he saw at the beach, but I couldn't even picture it. I was just thinking about the pain. It's that bad!

10 minutes later, we were at a friend's place nearby (couldn't even wait to get home to do this), in his kitchen sink, sticking my hand in his cereal bowl in hot (really hot) water. I read on my iPhone that putting it into hot water would inactivate the toxic. This is cause by this point, the poison have reached up to my armpits. It's like a snakebite! At this point I'm thinking... Damn you jellyfish. DAMN ALL THE JELLYFISHES!!!

What's worse? If I couldn't deactivate this toxic, it was gonna spread to my groins via the bloodstream (it's true!). So I needed to keep my hand in that hot bowl. It felt SO much better to have it in there. My friend asked if we could leave... I was like "I know this isn't exactly how you pictured you would spend your Sunday evening... but this really hurts man.." to which he just said "Ok we'll stay here for a while then."

1 hour later, we were at home having dinner and watching Prison Break. And I was asking for codeine.. unfortunately all pharmacies were closed at that time. Yeah dude, it's THAT bad. I never thought jellyfish stings would hurt so bad. But I think it's only cause its the bluebox jellyfish that's real bad.. so bad it could kill. At some points of it I was even contemplating what I would do in case of a cardiac arrest lol.

I'm thankful still that it stung my hand and not anywhere else..

If I could describe the pain... I would say, imagine Bella being a vampire.. and she's biting on on your finger as hard as she can.. like, as HARD as she can.. and not letting go.... for 4 hours!!! The pain is excruciating! So bad that i think I need to have some codeine lying around here in case something like that happens again.

Is this going to stop me from going to the beach though? Of course not. Haha.

Gotta Sort Myself Out

2010-01-24T02:29:00.004+11:00

I dunno man. I just don't know.

What is it man. What is it that I'm whining about. I ain't got no problems. Problems that I have are just things I create for myself in my head. In reality, there ain't no complications. There ain't no problems. There's only complications when I make it complicated when it doesn't have to be. Things can be as simple as pie. In my terms, I'd have to say as simple as oven-baked-fish-and-chips. Cause pies are hard to make in my book. Have you tried making pies lately?

My buddy and I talked about our biggest regrets. Damn, his regrets are nothing. I told him that he shouldn't even regret what he did, cause his regret was something that was to his benefit anyway. He asked what my biggest regret is. He guessed a regret. Not even close. What he guessed, was something I didn't even regret. But nonetheless, pft, opened that door. Now I can't sleep.

While I'm just about to chill back to some stress-reliever 2Pac songs... the house had to be SO quiet and SO scary making SO many weird noises. So I'm left playing Al-Baqara on my laptop, and talking to an old high school friend.

Man, I just gotta do umrah and sort this stuff out. Clean myself if that's even possible. This is bad. Cause it involves other people. Gah why can't people just talk their problems away. Why the pride, why the silence, why the arrogance. You don't need that. If you just talk about it, problems will go away so easily. But most crap is caused by emotional irrational impulse decisions anyway.

Same story, same history.. Only technology changes.

You know I wonder if they'll laugh when I am dead. (Not a suicidal statement, you can relax.) But I do wonder.

Ain't No Love In The Fast Life...

2010-01-19T09:49:00.006+11:00

Is it just me or do I have the tendency to run into people who don't know how to act properly? When I ask around... I think it's them and not me. I constantly find myself being put in a position where I always have to remind myself that not everybody is Muslims. And if they're not Muslims, I actually can't expect a fair treatment, and that I would have to actually fight for equality. Don't get me wrong, some Muslims do this too, and not all non-Muslims are like that. It's just that over here, most Muslims are tight with each other, so you rarely experience such retardation from them. And being the minority here, whose majority is non-Muslim, I suppose it's easy to generalize things when something goes wrong. But I thank God for giving me many good non-Muslim friends so I can get my head up straight after some unfortunate event.

So it's wrong to generalize, and it's really just a few exceptional aliens that are hated by others. Hate is such a strong word. But sometimes it happens. I'm writing about a certain someone who is hooked with the material things of this world. That's all fine (for those without religion). But it's bad when it affects others.. You are so hooked with the world that you put it at a higher importance than things like relationships.

At my new house, there's a shared internet connection in the house. Being the Muslim that I am, I am tech savvy. All Muslims are like that, we've got oil. We have everything. We do not understand the meaning of the word 'limit'. We've got the highest building in the world now. LoL.

So basically, in that house, as I was using the internet on both my laptops and my iPhone, and my friend was using the internet on his PC too.. suddenly, all my machines got cut off from the internet except one laptop and my friend's PC. Thinking that there was some kind of mistake, I emailed the guy who lives upstairs (there's a door on the stairs, which is locked, and it was late at night, so I didn't want to go up there and walk in on.. people). So yeah, I emailed him. And guess what his response is? Instead of reconnecting me, he cut off my friend's internet. Ha-ha. Such a Russian thing to do, right? I should have known..

For those of you who don't know, at one time in History, some people asked the Russian government to perhaps lower the electricity bill that they have when they use the heaters to heat up their home (in the cold winter, we're talking like -40 to -50 Celsius), since they have had good relations with the Russian government for a long time. In response to their request, the Russians cut off their gas supply and many people died. And they're still doing it now. (Here, Here, Here, Here, and you can find many more).

I should have known.

So, being rather upset with the limitation (not really the limitation, but more the hostile conduct of just cutting us off like that), again I asked him to reconnect us. It's been 5 days, and there's still no response. Up till now, I can only use the internet on one laptop. What next, is he gonna cut off my gas too? Haha. I have to actually start preparing for that possibility.. =o

Anyway, here I was, angry as ever.. Very tempted to pray for negative things to befall this guy.. And did actually prayed for such things.. But then I decided to look up the Sunna on how to deal with a situation like this. I found the prayers taught by our Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) to be empowering supplications. Such prayers contains many words like:

"Oh Allah, suffice me against them however you wish."

"Allah is the Most Great, Mightier than all His creation. He is Mightier than what I fear and dread. I seek refuge in Allah, Who there is none worthy of worship but Him. He is the One Who holds the seven heavens from falling upon the earth except by His command. I seek refuge in You Allah from the evil of Your slave [name of the person], and his helpers, his followers and his supporters from among the jinn and mankind. O Allah, be my support against their evil. Glorious are Your praises and mighty is Your patronage. Blessed is Your Name, there is no true God but You." [Recite 3 times].

... and many more like this. This is much more powerful because it's an empowering prayer. You remind yourself that God is the Most Great, and He can suffice you. You don't need to depend on anyone else. So instead of praying for the downfall of others, you pray for you to be empowered and not affected by their schemes and plots. That way, not only can you defeat one enemy in front of you, but many others that may come in the future.

So I'm getting my own internet. God will suffice me, and He provides.

2010-01-17T23:55:00.001+11:00

Happy New You

2010-01-12T14:14:00.006+11:00

It's 12 days since 2010 started and I'm still in the mood for New Years cause I'm still in the holiday mood unfortunately. I mean, when you're cooking in the kitchen, and listening to Era.FM (Malaysian Radio Station) and laughing at how traffic is congested at Bandar Tun Razak, and mental images of driving up to 1Utama's rooftop keeps flashing in your mind's eye; then you know you're definitely still in holiday mood haha.

But 2010 is all about new stuff. New goals (settle in the middle east). New aspirations (voluntary acts of worship). New way of looking at things (Kesha's Tik Tok - Wake up in the mornin' feelin' like Muhammad... tonight pray all night till we see the sunlight). Everything new. And the reason why this feeling is intensified is probably because of a new house, a new room, and a new healthy, more extravagant lifestyle. I am in my final year, and I am not going to suffer by cooking everyday anymore. I'll save, but I will eat out at least half of the week.

Given this cycle of financial bloodshed, the gain from such short-change nightmare is a more active lifestyle. I will be cycling to school everyday, walk more often, cycle to my friend's house to use his gym and pool, and walk/cycle up to King Street for groceries (yeah I'm not THAT rich, can't eat out every single day, can I?). And be more responsible for my actions. That is the mistake that I made in 2009; many bad decisions. In 2010, all my decisions will be made thoroughly and carefully. No more impulse decisions. If it ain't a good path, then I ain't even gonna go down there to "see for myself". I will be sure to pray the istikharah prayer for every decision I will make. I will get in the habit of listening to more Islamic lectures online again. And try, as much as I can, to make my everyday action (brushing teeth, mouthwash, perfume, cleaning, cooking) for the sake of Allah.

In short, religion will help me achieve my goals (graduate, get my CPA/CA in Australia, settle in the Middle East), to stay active, and focused. All that, also, in hope of attaining my ultimate goal (Paradise). With all that, if I keep on this path, persevere in it, I'm sure everything else will go my way, and it will go smoothly, and the path will be made easy for me by God. Our religion isn't fake. When you practice it, it actually works. And God actually helps you, actually make things easy for you, actually gives you a great success. I'm convinced by it.

So far, in the past 12 days, I've made some progress. I don't miss any prayer. I pray on time, and at it's earliest possible time. And I stay back after prayer to make supplication and voluntary praises. With a piece of paper in front of me that includes the English translation. So that I actually know what I am saying, what I am asking for. And it makes sense. And it works. If I leave it, I can feel I'm missing something. Like, it has actually become a reality that is as real as the day and night.

Summer school is also going fine at the moment. In class, no one is actually that talkative, but I have the textbook. I read every single word, YouTube every single possible concept, and I am with it, right there. You know? So it's good. I pray that I'll be able to keep this up till the day I die.

2010-01-12T06:52:00.001+11:00

Another New Years resolution should also be to stop cursing lol.

I have found 1Utama replacement in Sydney - Bondi Junction. It's similar to 1Utama, but still not as good. But it will have to do for now. I need to find out how to get there from here.

Fuck Being Emo

2010-01-10T09:36:00.002+11:00

Fuck it. Fuck these deep words. Ain't nobody care.

How bout I just go out and just let loose and have fucking fun!? How bout that! Goin to a strip joint tonight, and just drink and have a GOOD time!

LoL I'll tell you why not, you stupid motherfucker. Cause that "joy" is not real. It's fake. Even if you go out and "have fun", you'll still come back home to the saame problems you've had before. You didn't solve anything. You didn't solve any of the issues you're having now, whether it be the health of your state of mind, or actual physical problems like financial insufficiency, or debt, or unfulfilled relationships, or lack of passion in what you do, or.. whatever it is.

So stop being a dumbass, pick up the Holy Qur'an, read it in a language that you can understand, and take heed from its Message. And obey God's commands. Take it at your own pace. You'll see that it will turn your life around, definitely. No doubt. It's message includes awareness of accountability, tying knots of kinship with parents and your family, charity, kindness towards others, etc. Most people in the modern society are having problems only because of unfulfilled family relationships, that's all. They go out and drink cause they're not having any luck with strangers (who cares if you're not family?), but then refusing to amend problems with their immediate family. That's their problem right there.

But that's mundane, normal stuff that everybody knows.

Recently some great Muslim burned down a Church in my country cause Christians used the word "Allah" in their article. I'd say, punish the Church burners, and educate the Muslims. Cause ain't nothing wrong about Christians using the word Allah. If they argue, "Oh this causes confusion".. well they're Christians after all. Of course they would want to spread their religion amongst the people. Whatever strategy they use, if our religion is the true religion, then their strategy won't work, no matter what it is, right? Yes, fine, let them use the word Allah. And Jesus is still a Messenger of Allah who eats food, drinks water and goes to sleep. If Islam is the truth, and it IS the truth, then there ain't nothing to worry about. So what if they use the word "Allah"? If you're going to be confused, then it's a sign you should spend less time in the coffee shop, and more time reading books. That's all.

How hard is it to understand that "Allah" is Arabic for "God"?

2010

2010-01-07T10:42:00.002+11:00

I just realized I have not posted any 2010 post yet.

A lot has happened since I left the warm comfort of KL. Had the best time in Melbourne. It was definitely a good wrap for the summer break. Now it's back to business. And btw, my sister's getting married yay!

I've been reading posts about New Years. How people want to be better. Healthier. Happier. I rarely hear any specific tangible goals. I mean, I'm not one to judge, I just look out for something gold that I may not have thought of before, perhaps it may benefit me, is all. Out of all the texts I read and words I heard, I saw my new years resolution in action from Rahman, a friend I stayed with in Melbourne. At the time I didn't know it was going to be my new years resolution, but now it has become it. Haha. Yea!

"My tears are getting bigger, but I can't figure out what I'm crying for. It's like we can't feel anything because we are living in sin." -2Pac

I want to imitate Rahman's religious routine where he would recite Qur'an after prayer, read some supplications that are proven from hadeeth, and maybe get some of that peace that comes with the sweetness of faith that I have felt before. That's what I'm looking for. Cause at the end of the day, after cracking jokes and doing a lot of fun and cool stuff, you lie in bed with your thoughts, and you realize something's missing. I tried filling it up with rap, girls, friends, movies, DVDs... But the void ain't gonna be filled. Only through the remembrance of God do the hearts find peace. Word. Trust.

I'm not going to overload myself on spiritual ecstasy, but I just want to cover the basic pillars, and add that up with voluntary worships. Belief. Prayer. Charity. Fasting. Hajj. Add prayer with sunna prayer. Say some words when I wake up. "Praise is to Allah Who gives us life after He has caused us to die and to Him is the return". Say some words before I go to sleep. 3Quls, Ayat-ul-Kursi, Al Mulk, 2 last verses of Baqara. You know, simple stuff like that. With understanding, and contemplation of its meaning. And also, perhaps, just dress better for when I want to pray. Qur'an 7:31 "O Children of Adam! wear your beautiful apparel at every time and place of prayer: eat and drink: But waste not by excess, for Allah loveth not the wasters."

Things of that nature. And read more Qur'an. And slowly but surely, steadily increase my worship until I get to the same point where I was at before. Where I was waking up at night to pray Qiyamulayl every single night. That's the aim. Add that up with learning Quranic Arabic.

On top of that, I want to be independent again, not ask anyone for anything. Yet, be charitable. I've encountered people who are rich, yet are so unwilling to help a friend out. I understand where they're coming from, they must be at a place where so many people ask for so many favors, that they are at a point where they just say "No" to everything. But then again, you meet some people, who really don't have much, but are always willing to give.

"It's a great feeling to wish peace on others, once I have found peace for myself (through Islam)." -Loon, BadBoy.

2010. Back to basics. Not Christina Aguilera's basics, her basics are so basic, it's not even basic. SO, back to Islamic basics. That's right.

Princess and the Frog

2009-12-28T18:25:00.002+11:00

If only life is this simple. Lol. Saw it today. Good show.

My Time is My Asset

2009-12-26T02:05:00.005+11:00

We've all experienced that time in life where we wasted our own time, and then beat ourselves up over it for having wasted it ourselves. Like when you procrastinated for that project by surfing aimlessly on the internet ("I might as well have just gone out!") and then suffers an all nighter as a consequence? Or that time when you watch so much TV, you didn't get your readings done in time and you're left lost in lecture? Or that time when you declined hanging out even though you wanted to; to do homework, but in the end didn't end up doing the homework? Yeah I hate those times. Damn.

But you know what's worse than this? It's when other people wastes your time. Like that time when you ended up waiting an hour for your friend (sorry Sarah!), or that time when you asks your sister if she wants to go out, waited and waited, just to find out that she'll tell you "Eh kau pergi je la dulu" lol or that time when you waited in line at the post office or immigration center.

And you know what's worse than that? It's when someone wastes your freaking time with mindless, useless, worthless discussions about crappy things that obviously does not even need discussing! Far out, man. FAR OUT! I go out with you, so that you can tell me about.. how the society should be? About what's wrong with politics? About.. how unfair the world is? Cmon man. And it would have been an interesting discussion... IF it was interesting! But your points were.. pointless. Talking about racial diversity for like the millionth time. Seriously, by the end of it I felt like I was more dumb than I was before. I got home and I HAD to pick up a BOOK to test my intelligence to see if I was still able to process coherent ideas! I swear man. Every single idea, ends up with the conclusion that "obviously this varies according to the person and the specific situation". And he'll go, "But no.. see.. I think.. they're like that because [insert irrational thought here]". Waste of my time.

And when I tell him NOT to take too much loan, are you SURE you want to get into a second degree that you have NO idea and NO interest in (why not pursue the career for the degree that you already have?), are you SURE are you going to spend THAT much of your parents cash on an education you don't need? He goes like "This is like a business, its like an investment.. I can use my special talents.." What special talents?!? This isn't like business! This is a loan with interests! That will put you in debt of close to $400,000 by the time you graduate! (He wants to study overseas) It's insanity! But he keeps denying it saying that "It will be even MORE of a waste if I DON'T take it" Oh. Am. Gee. Omg. I just told him to discuss it with his parents. Leave it at that.

I so want to see this guy succeed in what he does. He's like my longest friend ever. I've known this guy for YEARS. But honestly, he's making these wrong decisions and is not listening to anything I'm saying! I'm tryina help him. His Chinese friends are obviously going to lead him into making this awful "investment" and laugh at his self-destructing financial decision. I can see those guys laughing at him. They're not his real friends. Even if they are, they're from a different financial background and they're probably talking in a context of a different financial situation.

If he does this, he's going to be in a lot of debt, no real asset, and a normal job. It's insane.

When I try to pull the conversation into something more meaningful, like what he REALLY need to focus on (not girls who aren't even your gf or even your friend, but your future, career, obtaining assets), he'll somehow find a way to pull it back to these mad ideas. He's even got time to talk about dating and pulling tricks out his hat for girls.. Omg. You're in an epic educational fallacy and now you're changing the topic to girls? I gotta get outta here.

I read the Qur'an, and in the Qur'an, well, take a look at how God deals with small issues like this.

"They ask you concerning the New Moons. Say: They are but signs to mark fixed periods of time in (the affairs of) men, and for Pilgrimage. It is no virtue if you enter your houses from the back: It is virtue if you fear Allah. Enter houses through the proper doors: And fear Allah: That you may prosper. Fight in the cause of Allah those who fight you, but do not transgress limits; for Allah loves not transgressors." (Holy Qur'an 2:189-190)

You gotta love how God deals with small stuff like that. See how God arranged His Revelation? The people back then were superstitious and they thought the movement of the moon had some evil omen tied to it and thus they should enter their houses from the back door. God deals with it so smoothly. Nope, moon moves so you can tell the time of the month. Virtue is to fear God.

Then he mentions a big scene, that is to fight. Thus expelling stupid dumbass retarded thoughts quickly to let you see the big picture, and the real on-hand issues you should be dealing with instead. Islam is the best. Respect.

Until The End of Time

2009-12-18T02:24:00.001+11:00

[2Pac]
Perhaps I was addicted to the dark side
Somewhere inside my childhood witnessed my heart die
And even though we both came from the same places
The money and the fame made us all change places
How could it be - through the misery that came to pass
The hard times made a true friend afraid to ask - for currency
But you could run to me when you need me and I'll never leave
I just need, someone to believe in, as you can see
It's a small thang to a true, what could I do?
Real homies help you get through
And come to knew he'd do the same thang if he could
Cause in the hood true homies make you feel good
And half the times we be actin up call the cops
Bringin a cease to the peace that was on my block
It never stop, when my mama ask me will I change
I tell her yeah, but it's clear I'll always be the same
Until the end of time

[Chorus]
So take, these broken wings
I need your hands to come and heal me once again
(Until the end of time)
So I can fly away, until the end of time
Until the end of time
Until the end of time

[2Pac]
Please Lord forgive me for my life of sin
My hard stare seem to scare all my sister's kids
So you know, I don't hang around the house much
This all night, money making got me outta touch, shit
Ain't flashed a smile in a long while
An unexpected birth worst of the ghetto childs
My attitude got me walkin solo, ride out alone in my lo-lo
Watchin the whole world move in slow-mo
For quiet times disappear, listen to the ocean
Smokin 'Ports, think my thoughts, then it's back to coastin
Who can I trust in this cold world?
My phony homey had a baby by my old girl
But I ain't trippin I'm a player I ain't sweatin him
I sex his sister, had her mumble like a Mexican
His next of kin, no remorse it was meant to happen
Besides rappin the only thing I did good was scrappin
Until the end of time

[Chorus - 2X]

[2Pac]
Now who's to say if I was right or wrong?
To live my life as an Outlaw all along
Remain strong in this planet full of player haters
They conversate but Death Row full of demonstrators
And in the end drinkin Heneessy made all my enemies envy me
So cold when I flow eliminatin easily
Falls to they knees, they plead for they right to breath
While beggin me to keep the peace (haha)
What I can see closer to achieve
In times of danger don't freeze, time to be a G
Follow my lead I'll supply everything you need
An ounce of game and the trainin to make a G
Remember me, as an outcast Outlaw
Another album out, that's what I'm about, more
Gettin raw 'til the day I see my casket
Buried as a G while the whole world remembers me
Until the end of time

[Chorus]

2009-12-15T03:49:00.006+11:00

I learned a new hadeeth (saying of the Prophet [pbuh]) today. It goes something like this:

Anas (rah) reported: “The Messenger of Allaah (pbuh) said: 'Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or is oppressed.' A man asked: 'O Messenger of Allaah! I (know how to) help him when he is oppressed, but how can I help him when he is an oppressor?' He (pbuh) said: 'You can restrain him from committing oppression. That will be your help to him.'” [Al-Bukhaari & Muslim]

That is how great the Message of Islam is.

Monkey Island and Puppies

2009-12-14T11:35:00.002+11:00

There are puppies outside my house. I am well determined to adopt them as a pet. As a guard for this house. Those puppies are just the most adorable little creatures I've ever seen in my entire life! I'm-a go out and get me some dog food, and then feed them, gain their loyalty, and get 'em to guard the house! Oh yeah! Postmans better watch out!

In other news.. Am I the only crazy one or is Tales of Monkey Island the best game ever invented by man?? Haha yeah I'm probably the crazy one. But it's not like life is anymore interesting than lunch and movies. Malaysia is awesome, the facilities are great, the stuff is cheap... but man, I feel like I have not had a meaningful conversation in weeks. The smartest line I've heard this entire week has been this:

"In the ocean, there are several ships that are delivering Christmas toys for children, and you notice one that is obviously carrying too much cargo. What do you do?" "Ans: I dump the toys, hoist the jolly roger, plunder the ship, decapitate their captain, and set fire on the bloody husks!"

LoL alright so that makes no sense but it's pretty funny when you watch it in the context of a cartoon show. And they call us terrorist! LoL.

Final Destination: Mecca

2009-12-11T14:44:00.002+11:00

Begin with the end in mind.

Private Blogs

2009-12-09T20:17:00.004+11:00

Stop making your blogs private! That's almost saying like you have something to hide. I believe that if people have a healthy mind, they would not hide what they have in their heads. They would allow the public to view them, and being healthy, they will not be criticized for their thoughts. Either that, or they strongly believe in their views enough to be able to justify what they say. Without having to make it private!

Honestly people, making your thoughts public will make you a better person. When others judge you, you're able to take from that constructive lessons and grow from that to become a better person.

Today I was reading a literature called the "Al Qaeda Reader". The views of radical Islam is indeed pretty extreme, justifying the killings of innocent civilians (but of course, only so that they will stop killing our innocent civilians, which after that, we will totally stop killing their innocent civilians) lmao. War is never good! We're in one right now, it's happening, and hopefully it will end soon; thus shows that sometimes war is actually needed.. nonetheless it's still never good.

Reading that, I realized that life is perhaps always going to be about that. You are going to be passionate about something, believe in something, and fight for it until you die. That's life, ain't it? And if we did not have something to be passionate about, something we believe in so strongly that we are willing to die for its message, then life would be somewhat empty and meaningless. Every single person wants to be part of something that is greater than themselves. The question is: What is that "something" for you?

I don't know what the answer is for me yet. But it is definitely somewhere along the lines deeply rooted in faith. My personal goal is to work with the pilgrimage financing team in Mecca. I've seen some of their architecture plans in the future. That holy place is going to look more like a huge mall where people shop for spiritual health. It's awesome! That's like 1Utama except better. Why wouldn't I want to be part of such a great team? I am learning conversational Arabic, although I am certain you can get by with good English.

Besides that, people around me (1Utama and friends) are consistently only talking about partners (bf/gf/marriage). When I go to the mall to eat and hang out, I do notice the trend that all the good hot chicks are all taken. Damn it. The only singles are those old angry ladies at the cashier who does not look like she has very much education. I look at myself in the mirror and sometimes wonder if I will get the girl of my dreams. A friend told me that I was just too picky when it comes to girls. I think he's probably right. I keep meeting girls whom, maybe 3 years ago I would have loved to take her out, but now just no longer interest me.

I will only ask out people whom I think is so interesting, I wouldn't mind getting shot down. And if it does not work out.. I'll think of reasons in my head as to why it didn't work out (most of the time it's really not my fault). But then when I'm chillin alone, I start to think that Damn, it was my fault and I should not have let that relationship go to waste as it did. But I do. And now I'm left exhausted.

There is something that I need to do. But I don't know what it is yet.

2009-11-28T23:43:00.001+11:00

Just added more stuff to complete the previous post. I think that will be all for the year's summary. I think it decently portrays what actually happened. Haha.

One Year in Pictures

2009-11-27T10:31:00.036+11:00

It's that time again. The 2nd semester has ended. I am back in Malaysia. Pour out the sparkling juice and lets reminisce.

It wouldn't be a perfect year without a college reunion at the start of it. Not too many people turned up but it was a pretty decent hang out. Always good to see everyone again and find out a little bit more about everyone's personal life. Haha.

In 2009, I had a whole new set of housemates and neighbors. 2009 was more about connecting, understanding and mingling with people on a more intimate level. Thus, in this post, you will see more of the same faces rather than much randoms.

That's our first night together with the neighbors, just hanging out talking and getting to know each other. Highlight of the night: Christine's tale of illegal drug use and funny family moments involving illegal drugs. Boy, I had no idea that I was in for a crazy year.

Heading up to Newtown on a school night. My Malaysian friends and I often complain of the boring nightlife in Sydney. Tonight was my first experience of how "boring" the nightlife really is.

What is to them mundane and boring, was for me shocking and panicking. I mean, I was sitting at the table. And a random dude joined us at the table. I thought he was someone's friend. But turns out he was a freak. And then Collin left with a stranger; an older looking guy. I was panicked and shocked, and was wondering why is everyone else so damn calm and not alarmed at all! I was like.. "Am I the ONLY one freaking out!?!?!" Yeah, I was the only one freaking out.

March 16 2009. Happy Birthday to me. The year started off really well. The birthday cake was baked by Jessica (lady with the lighter). And if you notice, the wine bottle is not opened. And it stayed close for the entire party. Alhamdulillah =)

Great turnout. Ex-housemates. Housemates. Neighbors. Family. Friends.

Beachball party. Uni's big party at the beginning of the year. This is the pre-drinking part to propel an excitement that could not be killed. Um, yeah. 'Cept I didn't drink so the excitement wasn't as much. But it was still good to be around familiar faces.

Beachball party.

Partied real hard till we got to the point of sitting down.

Doing a bit of volunteer work and unwinding with Malaysians is an excellent way of mentally stabilizing myself once again. I'm sure there is a mental stabilizing moment for my hungover friends as well. But I never got to join those moments as I can't really relate with a headache I don't have. Haha. So this is my way of unwinding.

Family Day 2009. More unwinding. Always good to just sit and talk with Malaysians. Somehow we see similar things in our mind's eye. And just sitting back making stupid jokes is also quite nice after a thought-provoking night of people asking you "Why can't someone be gay yet still be religious?!! OMG we cannot be friends!!" LoL. Yeah. Moments like that makes outings like this much appreciated.

SBNZ09!!! SPRING BREAK NEW ZEALAND 2009!!!! Well for us its Autumn break but same difference! Crazy morning. Crazy start for a crazy trip. This is an extreme adventure tour. I wish I had my entire picture collection with me but part of it was left in Sydney so I can't post everything I want to. But basically, we went into a glow worm cave, a cruise, hiked a glacier, bungee jumped, sky swung, went on a helicopter ride, jet boat ride, white water rafting.. among other things. You'll see. You will see.

Arrived in ChristChurch, NZ safe and sound. This is when we called our parents from the van. I was the only one in the van who spoke a different language on the vehicle. They're comment was "It's great to be bilingual and able to speak fluently in two languages!" It is awesome to be bilingual indeed!

The road trip consists of a LOT of time on the bus. The scenery was amazing, but the journey tiring. I never want to go on a long journey on a vehicle ever again. Maybe I am just being biased at the moment, cause no less than 24 hours ago I spent 9 hours on a plane.. But yeah I'm sure everybody can relate to that. There are a lot of funny videos taken on the bus.

It's not all boring in the bus all the time though. We had our fun moments!

Stretching our legs.

Finally reached our temporary destination.

Cruise.

Head in the clouds. On cruise.

Glacier hiking.

Mad hat party at night.

One of the crazy adventures. There are plenty more, but most footage was left back in Sydney. I knew I should have posted this post while I was back there. Now it's incomplete.

These kids don't stop partying.

One of the last nights where everybody got together to party one last time. This was when we were in Fox Glacier. Everybody was mad crazy at this time because of the Power Hour game. Of course, I did not partake in any drinking. In fact, my friends and I came in late. By the time we got in, everybody was drunker than I've ever seen them in my entire life. I have excellent footage of such hilariousness. When I came in the room I felt like a celebrity, for real. Shroder was high fiving me, Scotty was asking where I've been "We've missed you man! Everybody's been asking where you been! Haha!" And the tour guide Jason was doing the "W" with his hands cheering "Don Wan!!" with all the ladies. Yeah really. It was a crazy night. Sometimes when I go to bed at night.. I still hear the cheering. Oh yeah. Who da man. Who da man.

That's Kyle. One of the nicest dude I've ever met in my entire life. We hung out quite a bit during the trip. He's real nice. See that cast over his hand? Yeah, he broke that the day before. Did you-know-what the night before while I was in the same room.. with the broken hand (before it was examined by the doctor). Hardcore. Tough. I shoulda gone riding with these dudes that day. They had so much fun. I went bike hiking instead to check out the sights of beautiful New Zealand with my friends.. it was still worth it for sure. Definitely.

One of the best nights of my life, seriously. This is towards the end of the holiday. And this is the night where I found out that a lot of them are Jews. Something I did not know during the entire course of my trip. They were real nice to me though. Some even did not agree with the state of Israel, while others just admire that I don't drink.. which usually leads to a really really nice conversation about life. You would think they're party animals.. but they're people with conscience. Don't judge, brothers. Don't judge.

The next morning. We were among the few ones who did not drink (well I didn't).. well.. didn't have that bad of a hangover and woke up early. I woke up early to pray fajr (before sunrise) and then saw Jenny, and she invited me to go bike riding with her to check out the sights of that place. It was beautiful! I swear, most beautiful place I've ever seen. We trekked down this walk path of natural beauty. Saw some cows. And watched the sunrise. Needless to say it was rather platonic, and yet still very interesting because she told me of all her traveling adventure journeys and stories of people of all sorts of background and culture.

Unwinding. Notice the pattern now?

All packed up and ready to go home. Really ready to go home at this point, we're all pretty tired and can't wait to get back to our familiar room, familiar bed, familiar laptop, music player, kitchen, fridge, shower, clean clothes and just lie down relax chill and sleep. Haha.

Dinner with Jessica. New Zealand trip brought us a little closer together. It's too bad our friendship ended the way that it did. Really bad indeed.

When I found out my dad was going to move to Riyadh with the entire family, I thought I should go back to Malaysia and visit them one last time. That's Elizabeth, one of my closest and longest friend I've had in my entire life. We went to this restaurant near hear place. Hung out from 9PM till late. Don't be fooled by the drinks on the table. We switched sides cause her face looks prettier on the other side! Haha! So the mineral water was mine. Recognize!

Got back to Sydney. This was during winter time. And it was the last night for us to hang out with Christine before she goes back to Canada. We lost a big part of our campus life when she packed her bags and left. We still keep in touch and I am hoping to meet up with her again sometime in my life before it ends. I've got plans of traveling up to Europe and Canada. When I come to Canada, it's on! She's one of the most extraordinary person I have ever met in my entire life. With all the craziness that has happened this year, we may have our awkward moments when we meet each other... but at the end of the day, we just laugh it off. And that, my friend, is a joy in life unlike any other.

Christine's party usually ends up this way, haha.

When Christine left, my housemates and I tried to do some activities together. It worked for a while, but in the end it all came crashing down. I never figured out what happened. Anyway, that's me holding the cards. Yea terrible cards I know. I sucked at this game. Was playing with Jessica and Rowais.

One of my best friends, Lazare. He is a Jew. But tonight, he was together with me at the Fast-A-Thon Ramadan uni event. It was a pretty good event. John was there as well, and I mostly hung out with John. But I don't have a photo with him at this year's Fast-A-Thon. Oh yea, notice that tablet pc Lazare's holding. Yea, that is MY tablet PC. He was trying to help my buddy Saifullah with a Jewish religion assignment that he was doing at the time. Toldja. Cool guy.

Just like last year.. at the end of the day.. I always always always return back to my Islamic roots. Do good deeds to make up for bad ones. I spent almost AUD$100 buying up all of the food for this massive Ramadan meal. I've never seen so much leftover in my life. It was crazy. But I hope God will accept it from me. Of all the crazy stuff I've done that year, I really needed to spend that money sincerely and have that Muslim event. I had to. At least I can say I've done something to try and make up for the evil I've done. At least I try.

The entire iftar crew.

After Ramadan, I went to Stucco (John's place) to hang out with my ex-housemate John and Mitch. We sat down together just to catch up with how crazy uni's going over an omelet and some candy. That morning was the crazy dust storm (remember that?), so it made the conversation well interesting. When Mitch left, John and I went deep and started talking about life and religion. That's when I realized John's really into this stuff, thus I gave him a copy of the Holy Qur'an for his birthday. Make du'a for him, insha Allah. John Good is one of the nicest most humble person I have met in my entire lifetime. Seriously. My entire life. Seriously. Seriously!

Unwinding. Heh.

Final visit to the Opera House and the Harbor Bridge before I went back to Malaysia about 3 days ago. Sydney's beautiful. But it means nothing when you're broke haha.

There are a few more things that happened this year. My first hookah. John's birthday party. Stucco party. Science Review theater. Imax outing. But a lot of those more recent pictures are all back in Sydney.

It's been a crazy year.

Gettn Ready for 5 Weeks of Mayhem

2009-11-26T03:13:00.003+11:00

It's 3.13AM. I've had a cup of coffee. Trying hard to stay awake cause I have an early flight: 6AM. So I must be at the airport around 5.30AM. It's gonna be a long flight, but I am anticipating to arrive home safely around 3PM. I am 12 hours away from chillaxing to the max.

5 weeks of mayhem is not exactly the title of this holiday. It will probably be filled with time spent in 1utama eating good food and watching movies. No actual plan this holiday. My major plan to trek up to Gold Coast and then Melbourne will have to be replaced with much relaxing at home. Why the sudden change of heart? Well, moving sucks big time. I was so tired and exhausted that the very thought of catching a train to the city to do groceries killed me. Plus, the weather a few days ago went up to 41 Celsius. In my frustration of the heat, I booked a flight back home. I have never regretted any traveling plans made in the spur of the moment, and I'm not about to start now. GC will have to wait till next winter, and the Melbourne trip will be a brief one on my way back to Sydney. So that's still happening, God willing.

Anyway, I need a good break.

Goals to achieve this holiday: Go through the 27 lessons of a short English course in learning Quranic Arabic. Go through an intense 8 weeks course of learning conversational Arabic. All of this is self-taught paid professional courses, so it should be excellent.

Besides that, I want to pray in the mosque more while I'm back in Malaysia. And then try to pick up the habit of praying at night once more. Besides that, perhaps go jogging in Kiara Park if it's still good.

What else is there to do? Most of my friends aren't in the country. But I still know a few who are, so I can catch up with them. Hm. Well, I guess there are no truer words than God's when He said that the enjoyment of this life is little. Cause really.. the most fun of all of the fun stuff that you can do... just aren't that fun anymore. Need something more. What I seek is out there. I know it is.

Probably want to find a good book that I can read too.

Man, seriously, there has GOT to be something more exciting than this that I can do. Perhaps I should read more about the pilgrimage and save up to experience umrah, I'm not sure how to translate that but I guess it's something like a mini-pilgrimage experience. Perhaps I am ready to experience that. Besides that.. yeah.. what else can you do with life? Start a business? Yeah. When I grad I probably will open up a store in 1utama. Make millions.

There has been countless times where I am laying in bed, having achieved everything I wanted in the year, having gotten everything I wanted, at times even having next to me a [censored edited out] like I've always dreamed of. But I just stare at the ceiling and wonder why I am not happy. I know I need religion. I've got religion. But there's obviously something wrong with the way I am living my life.

Soon I'm going to post a picture-post for events throughout the year. That should be one to look forward to. Hopefully I can get that up soon.

2009-11-23T14:10:00.001+11:00

Count Yer Blessings

2009-11-19T01:02:00.002+11:00

Counting sheep don't work. Listenin to 2Pac don't work. Some things just ain't going my way. Buuut, I ain't gonna let a few sissy problems put me down. Nawll maynnne.. I've got some stuff goin' dowwwn son. Like what? Well lemme tell ya.

I gots me a new house! How exciting! It ain't exactly that close from uni, but it's within walking distance. Well.. if 20 minutes walk is considered walking distance then yeah.. it's within walking distance. No worries, I've got a bicycle so that'll cut the waiting time by at least half. So 10 mins to uni. Not bad. Not bad.

This new crib is da bombbb. It's awesome! It's blowinnn. I got me a mad room. Big as. Got a TV. Stereo! And high speed internet connection. But the best part of it all: MASSIVE kitchen. NICE living room. BRILLIANT dining table. AWESOME housemate. All for the price of.. $5 more than what I'm paying now!

I loove it. I hope my homeboy Shium will move in with me. He is coming with me when I sign my lease this Friday night. There is another room in that house that is available. And he might take that room. If he does, its awesome! I'll live with another Muslim brother, and that will be da shizzzznittt. Muslims are the best people in the entire world. With no exceptions.

It will be awesome. I'll be living with this 24 year old dude from.. I dunno where he's from but he's white. His first language ain't English but his English is pretty good. That'll give me a chance to perhaps learn another language, yea?? And if Shium moves in with me, then it'll be an awesome crib, dudeee. New Zealander. American. And this other dude from another country.. all with city-raised manners. We be rockin dat house man.

Sorry. I apologize for all this ghetto language. I obviously have been listening to far too much rap. Well, besides the new house.. There will be an outing that I am going for. To learn more about the history of our religion. We're going to watch a documentary in IMAX in Darling Harbor called "In the Eyes of Ibn Battutta" or something like that. It's about the great Muslim traveler who traveled the world basically. Faced with many challenges in his life.. it will be interesting to know what the man has gone through. Since I love to travel, this will be an amazing experience. And we're going with SUMSA (Sydney University Muslims Students Society) so I can catch up with my Muslim buddies then, and learn more about Islam, all at the same time.

PLUS, I am also going to Melbourne mid-December to catch up with some friends. And perhaps do a traveling activity or two. And hopefully be back in Sydney for New Years. Which I will hang out with my ex-housemate Tim. Which means... Party at the balcony and see the fireworks from the comfort of Tim's friend's home, with the view of the harbor bridge and the opera house. Should be faaantastic.

AND, next week, I'll be meeting up with Lazare.. and then John Good. It will be awesomeee. I've got some money spending to do. Geez. But hey, hey.. All for a good night's sleep right? Right?

I gotta listen to Sarah and pick up that book. Later.

My Generation

2009-11-15T10:55:00.002+11:00

I'm starting to realize more and more that there are more people like me out there than I think there are. I meet more of them in real life than I do surfing the internet. Most of them are American dudes, or Jewish Australians, but when it comes to chicks, unfortunately most of the time they're taller than me.

But here's one I found on the internet. Just to give you a glimpse of the product of what we grew up on. Here's a user on YouTube that I found most of her videos, it coincides with the things that we watched in high school. She's 21, so the same age as me, which means that when she was growing up, she was watching and listening to the exact same stuff that I was i.e. what was popular at the time. If you are anything like me, you would find this rather interesting.

Forgot About Dre:

Buffy's Going Through The Motions:

And that's a wrap. Yea!

Near Death Experience

2009-11-13T21:51:00.002+11:00

Death.

The only thing in life that is sure to occur.

I drowned in the pool today. Hey, why you laughing? Stop smiling. You think that's funny? Hahaha yeah it is pretty funny. But at the time, it was scary as crazy.

Look to my left, too far away from land. Look to my right, too far away from land. I've got a cramp on my right rib. Hanging on to dear life on the ropes of the pool. Maybe if I let go of this rope, I can swim horizontally and make it to land that way. Let go of the rope. Tries to swim. Kicks and scoops. Not moving. Not moving!! Out of air. Must. Get. Rope! OMG! Rope. Too. Far.

Pushes up. Gets a breath of air. Sinks back in. Out of air immediately.

In a calm way, I saw my friend under water. Tapped the shit out of his hand. He pushed me to the ropes. Got it!! Got the ropes. And just use my hand to pull myself back to land. LANDD!!!

I now know I should not go surfing this summer. And perhaps cancel my plans to swim with Shium tomorrow. I ain't gonna give up though. I'll still practice. I have 6 swims to go before the end of this year.

I think I need to get swimming lessons again next year. I need to improve on my swimming. I KNOW it's possible. I see all these old dudes swimming with ease. It's embarrassing.

Now I am listening to Islamic lectures. More intonation and concentration in prayer. My heart still boils with anger at some. Which kind of scares me. Even after coming face to face with death today, which I call "being at the brink of meeting the Virgins of Paradise", even then I still think all of these repugnant and revolting thoughts against.. well just one person in particular. I gotta forgive for real. I gotta forgive for real.

I'm also chillin and thinkin.. man.. what would happen if tonight was my first night in the grave? Well, I do know that if you drown you die a martyr. And to die on Friday would relieve me of the punishment in the grave. And I swam because it's sunna to learn how to swim. So man, I woulda had a big underground partay had I drowned today haha.

What the Previous Post Would Sound Like

2009-11-11T12:48:00.001+11:00

Now a Brother's Under Pressure...

2009-11-09T18:47:00.002+11:00

My first final exam is tomorrow. And I feel like throwing up. OMG.

I haven't had a good night's sleep in a few days now. Not cause I was up preparing for the finals. No. But.. well, in the words of 2Pac Amaru Shakur "Can't sleep cause all the dirt make my heart hurt".

I need to find a better sleeping pattern. I need to do something so that I can enjoy sleep once more. I talked shit about my alcohol drinking sex rampaging weed smoking friends, who are now no longer my friends, I talked about how they can't sleep. Comes home drunk.. constantly saying "I wish I was dead". And the next morning going "God if I was dead now that would be the best thing ever". I used to talk shit about them, and actually empathize on their situation as well. But how much empathy can you really give to someone as reckless as that.

Now... unfortunately... it's happening to me. Minus the alcohol, sex and weed. But just the stuff I've done in my life is now back to haunt me.. at night! Why can't they haunt me like, you know.. some other time. I constantly see my ex on the back of my eyelids when it is shut. I see Jessica. I see a whole bunch of people I owe. Shit. Shit! Shit! I find myself in bed at 2AM, after tossing and turning, just sayin out loud "Stop thinkinnnggg..!"

The only thing to help me drift off is "a ghetto nigga lullaby". Put 2Pac on my iPod. Stuff my ears. And play that shit. The talk of drugs, death, pressure and the hope of a better life somehow eases some of that guilt. It fades but certainly not mute the devil's voices that are playin in my head. No, I don't actually hear voices in my head. But when I lay me down to sleep.. A train of thought occurs. And it never stops. It never ends. It keeps going and going and going...

I'm sure you've had one of these nights. If you haven't, then boy, you are not missing out.

The worst part? OK, I wake up to pray. Having little sleep from the previous night, my eyelids are HEAVY. I am EXHAUSTED. DRAINED. But the train of thought continues. I lie down to sleep after fajr... And I still can't go back to sleep. It goes on and on and on... and I am forced to get up. Switch on my computer. Stuff my earphones. And rap to a rap. "Wake up in the mornin and I ask myself. Is life worth livin should I blast myself?"

You know what I'm talking about.

This ain't living. But I've got it. What I need to do is go back to the sunna of the prophet Muhammad (pbuh). Find out what I can read before sleeping. What to say before I sleep. What I can think of before I sleep. Who to turn to before I sleep.

I need some good sleep.

Am I The Only One?

2009-11-02T23:48:00.004+11:00

The more I think about this, the more I doubt I'll ever find a compatible life partner.

I love Eminem. I love his songs as I think they're very inspiring and some of them really speaks what I have to say in quite an articulate and artistic way. Although now, I must admit, I have lost interest in a lot of his songs due to its "He ain't saying anything anymore. There is no point. I can get much more by reading Obama's book", but I keep coming back to it cause some of his new stuff sometimes, a line or two in the entire song, will catch my attention as he has artistically expressed what I feel perfectly. (E.g. "I got news for you, bitch, your new curfew's early. You ain't home by two-thirty *Gunshot* You heard me?" Eminem - Hey Lady) It may be because I grew up listening to Eminem, and it pretty much invented my teenage-hood. I have come to find out recently that, Eminem being my first CD, is not something weird. In fact it is pretty common, and two of my Jewish friends also said that their first album too was Eminem.

At the same time, I cannot ignore my deep passion for my religion - Islam. I know most of you haters out there will think "Ha! He said he loves Eminem! There! You'll be with who you love on the Day of Judgment! You'll join Eminem in Hellfire!!!!!" First of all, Eminem ain't dead yet. He can still become Muslim and enter Paradise. Second, I don't love him like that, brother. May Allah bless you. I love you anyway cause you're my brother.

But yeah, I mean, I would definitely say that Islam changed my life and it has affected me in so many positive ways I cannot even begin to explain how beautiful this religion is. It gives me exactly the right kind of mindset that I need to succeed in this life and in the Hereafter. With that, I've memorized various surah's, practiced various teachings of the Prophet (pbuh), incorporated various aspects of Islam in my daily life.. and if I am slacking in my religion, I can feel something's missing and I will always run back to it. Every time I come back I am determined more than ever to stay on the right path. But then again, I am only human. I make mistakes. However, as we've come to learn, the most important part is how you choose to deal with that mistake. Don't look back cause the future's ahead. I don't care if nobody thinks I'm a good Muslim, I'm not gonna be a Muslim for anybody. I'm doing this for Allah.

So, when two worlds collide: Gangsta Rap and Islam.. what do you get? Motivational talks from Napoleon and Loon. Two famous gangster rappers who ran with the entrepreneur. Big rappers who are on top. Napoleon, an ex-member of the group Outlaw who rapped with 2Pac. And Loon, who ran and rapped with names like Sean Jean, Jay-Z, P. Diddy. I listen to their talks all the time, and I am constantly searching the internet for their new materials cause it's so inspiring every time I hear it I feel like becoming a better Muslim and not turning back to the old way of thinking or way of living. Like Napoleon said: "I'm telling you, there's nothing good about that life. I'm like (giving a metaphor) runnin outta a house that's on fire, and you runnin the opposite direction sayin 'Let me see for myself'.. It's silly!"

And that's all nice and all... But hey man, I'm just a normal person. I ain't a gangster rapper, nor am I a big Sheikh or any knowledgeable religious person of any kind. Nonetheless, this is what I'm into.

Having grown up with this unique experience of life... When talking to friends about searching for the right lady to settle down with.. I keep tellin people that I have yet to find a girl who's compatible with me. Looking back at how my life is now and how it was and the experiences that I've gone through... I'm wondering if that girl even exists.

Revenge... Is It Worth It?

2009-10-25T20:00:00.005+11:00

Generally, I try to avoid gatherings of alcohol. I never enjoy them very much. I wouldn't normally say 'Yes' to such invitations, and I would think it over a lot before going. And if I do go, I always try to be sure that I come early, and leave early, so as to avoid anything too bad. However, how exactly do you avoid an alcohol party... when it is at your house?

Well, I have to face it still as it is part of the challenge of living in this unholy house. To be absolutely honest, I abhorred the recent party that took place. People started coming over to my house around 5PM. I stayed in my room the entire time and greeted no one. Around 7PM, the party has officially began. Alcohol starts stacking up as the guests starts bringing them in. And I can hear them outside my room cheering over things that are really stupid, and laughing at jokes that are not funny, and saying things that are so lame, I couldn't believe my ears. I know I'm not cooler than any of these kids, but omg are you serious? That was so lame, I can't believe I actually believe that I am actually cooler than you.

Unable to take anymore of this mindless poisonous and pretentious fun, I left the house. It was quite funny. I put my ears to my door, make sure no one is outside my door, and I opened it quickly, locked my bedroom door, and rushed for the exit. Left the house with my iPod stuffed in my ears, hearing an Islamic lecture by Sheikh Yasir Qadhi entitled "Du'a: the weapon of the believer", hoping no one saw me. And I don't think anyone saw me.

Perhaps I don't fit in with heavy binge drinkers and pot smokers. Perhaps it is a company I wish not to fit in to. Perhaps I intentionally disassociate myself from such people, for fear of utter destruction and despair. Whatever my intention, at that moment when I left, I vowed to myself that my intention for leaving was for the sake of Allah. But was it? If it was I thank the Lord, and if it wasn't, I know I have a lot to work on in terms of guarding my faith. I am far from the ideal of any kind.

Unfortunately, what I find rather disturbing, is not the fact that these kids are doing what they are doing. Quite frankly, I couldn't care less about what they want to do with their lives. What bothers me is that when they start to involve me in their conversations. Apparently, I think, a certain particular someone, seems to think that I am only "acting" righteous. "Islam is not a gimmick, it's an image, bitch, I live it" I wish to proclaim. But unfortunately, such thoughts now exists in the minds of some people at that party.

I do realize that no matter what you do, sometimes people just won't change their minds about certain things. And when things like that happen, you can always rest assured that it is a disease in their hearts that is causing them to have such negative thoughts. "Oh, he just left the party cause he wants people to think that he is a righteous person, when actually he's such a dickless fuck". Having all these baseless negative thoughts is a result of your ills. And the disease is with them, and not me.

But even so, I can't help but to be pissed. I wanted nothing more than to pray that destruction and disaster will befall such people who disgraced me.

But then that night when I talked to my Egyptian housemate, he told me that it is not worth to even think about it. If you get angry, it shows you're thinking about it. She is not worth even your very thought. I knew that he was speaking the truth. But I still wanted justice and compensation.

I prayed seeking God's guidance on how to deal with this issue. And I came to a realization, which I am going to share with you guys today.

Just pray that their actions will not affect you in the least. Pray that their words against you will be fruitless, and that you are not harmed by their empty words. At first I wanted to still also pray for God's wrath to descend upon her... But then I realized that it already has. Rest assured that she is suffering enough. And she does not need my curse. I should only pray for good for myself, and good for her. Worse comes to worst, I'll just pray good for myself and mention her not. Which is the way I am going to go for.

Love Love Love Love Love

2009-10-14T11:36:00.002+11:00

Everyone wants to talk about it but in the end.. There's no right or wrong answer. There is no one way of doing things. Relationships are complicated and it always depends on the person you're dealing with. But yeah, I understand why people like to talk about it cause well.. feelings are involved.. and so people feel strongly about it and thus they have to talk about it lol.

You know what I think, though? I think we're too [bleep]ing old to play games. Dude, just pick a girl, stick with her, marry her and [bleep]ing move on and make money and travel and pray, man. Travel, pray, learn, grow, and generate cash. Keep generating cash and keep traveling and keep learning things that makes sense and is relevant to your success. I ain't got no time to date girls no more if it ain't gonna go anywhere. I'm tired man. Phone calls. Texts. We've done enough of that in high school. We need more. Something real. Something solid. And then, together, do things that both of you are passionate about. Like traveling. Or I dunno... uh.. rock climbing. Or bush walking. Or car racing (the legal kind). Or organizing charity for the orphans, schools, whatever. You know, that kind of stuff. Or even book reading or puzzle solving lol if you want.

Basically, pick one, stick with her, then MOVE ON to bigger things in life! There are a LOT of stuff to do out there.

Motivation, My Incompetency, and Religion

2009-10-11T12:10:00.006+11:00

I need a little bit of motivation to get myself studying for the finals. Caffeine works great. I have to remind myself to go out and get some good caramel coffee instead of the lame instant Nescafe coffee. Religion also serves as a great motivation as you receive support from a Higher Being. That never fails you. But you consistently fail it. And by you I mean me. Gotta start reciting Qur'an again, a page a day keeps evil thoughts away. Not really. But it helps. And I also want to start doing Qiyam again. Basically, would like to get all of the Islamic Checklist boxes checked on a daily basis.

So far, there have been group assignments that I am supposed to do with a group of kids. I feel like a complete incompetent dickhead. Like a used tampon. Like a 1mb floppy disk. I'm assigned my part. But I'm just not moving. I don't start. I don't finish. I don't work. I am just so lazy. For what reason? I don't know. Just texted Nancy (a group member) to ask about our part that we're supposed to do together. And when did I text her? Only a DAY before it is due. To which she replies "Yeah loser I've done all the work for us, thank you very much for not helping, asshole." Well, she is chinese from China (she's hot) so her words were more kind than that. I woulda liked to do the part with her. Invite her over. Have a bite to eat. Oh well. Another missed opportunity because of my laziness. Damn! I mean, alhamdulillah?

One might ask: "Dude why the f- are you so lazy man just get up and do the work! What the hell have you been doing anyway??" Well. Let me tell ya. Last night, when I was meant to work on my part of the assignment.. I was at a party instead. Well, I HAD to be there. I've already promised John that I would come. You can't break your promise. I arrived at around 7.30pm, thought that I would leave around 10pm so that I can be back home in time to finish writing up my part. Yeah. When did I come home? 12.50AM. Great. Great job, Wan. Wow, you're a great Muslim. Talking to people, telling them about how awesome your religion is. But then, you go to a party like that and come home real late. Wassup witchu man. Pick a side and stick to it, dammit.

In my defense, the party was quite warm. A friendly party. I like John's party every time he has one because his party is always always always a house party where people drink little and talk a lot. So I got to talk to so many people and met so many new friends, and got to know all of their cool summer plans (travel to NY, travel to Europe) and expand my network (met Chloe) who will hook me up with a place to stay next year! I mean, I really needed the help! If I hadn't come to the party... Yeaaaah Allah woulda provided for me as He is the provider of all things, I know I know. I just think I'm here to learn and shouldn't turn down a party like this. Although.. I really should have. Don't justify your sins. Gah.

I'm a big fat liar. Well I'm not overweight. I gotta stop talking about myself. The new iPod nano is awesome. The video it takes is phenomenal. Someone [edited out, explicit content] outside my room. I saw them on the way to make wudhu' for fajr prayer. I love Islam. No matter what these people do in my house, at the end of the day, I know that I am the one who has the best sleep at night. Cause being under God's good pleasure, or at least trying to, gives you that right to have a good night's sleep. And I do. Ah Islam. Where would I be without ya.

Religion... Tomorrow's Today

2009-09-30T11:33:00.003+10:00

In 1938, Louis Golding wrote a book called 'The Jewish Problem' stating out what are the main concerns that the Jewish community has, and how they can solve that problem. 71 years later, Palestine is pretty much theirs with the exception of Gaza and the Westbank. Israel is a first world country, and if you look at pictures of Tel-Aviv, you would wish that you are Jewish so you can enjoy being in that country.. making us understand their aggressive pursuit in attaining full security for Israel. They have it goin on in Tel-Aviv. I understand their excessive want to protect that place. It is like 1Utama under attack. You would do EVERYTHING in your power to save that mall.

A few days ago, a certain Christian website caught my attention, called the XXXChurch. Sounds like a porn website right? Yeah, that's why I clicked it. Haha just kidding. It is a website where modern-day ex-sex addict Christian/celebrity Craig Gross tries to reach out to brothels and help them leave the life of sexual sin, besides helping sex addicts and porn addicts to overcome their addiction and save their marriage. I thought his approach is rather an interesting one. I thought that his approach appeals more to the new generation, and it is, I believe, the most effective way of getting people's attention and interest to the Christian faith. He is doing God's work, and directly addressing the problems of his community, without much preaching, and helps them out and solves their problem. And that makes religion more relevant.

In the Muslim community, where I belong (hopefully), I see a pattern where people are really interested in entertainment. Quite often you hear them complain of religious leaders being weird and taking the oh-so-old forceful approach (which includes social blackmail). Thus, wanting to disassociate themselves from such negativeness. I also see them being way interested in technologies, for it is a sign of wealth, status, liberty, progressiveness and growth.

Other Muslims have begun to notice this as well, thus coming out with all kinds of stuff like a Digital Qur'an, Islamic iPod (iPod loaded with 60GB of Islamic content!! Yeaah not very appealing), Islamic mobile phones and numerous Islamic softwares for your iPhone, iPod, and personal computer.

The problem with that? The Jews and the Christians are doing the same thing too. Except they do it better than we do. The Jews have Starbucks and Marks & Spencer. The Christians have their Hillsong (which gets a LOT of criticism) and XXXChurch. Muslims, they've got orphanage places but that is about it. It is not unique. Cause both the Jews and the Christians have orphanage homes too. And again, I must stress that, they do it better. Unfortunately.

Where is the Muslim's Starbucks? Where is the Muslim's McDonalds? Can't we have our own Marks & Spencer? THAT, my brother and sister, is OUR problem. Muslims have a LOT of money. We are RICH. But our problem is, we literally GIVE our money to the Jews and Christians. Why? Cause they've got excellent products!! Seriously, Starbucks is like the best coffee I've ever tasted in my entire life! Nestle is like the best brand with top quality taste! Nokia is an awesome phone! You KNOW you won't get screwed when you buy Marks & Spencer cookies!

We gotta take over. We have the money. We have the market. We just gotta take it. It would be tough due to existing competition, but it ain't impossible. I urge all the Muslims to think of ideas that would benefit the community as a whole, and go for it. We're talking business and technology, and communal service which addresses the immediate struggles of the community, be it drugs, alcohol, or illegal sex. Unless the Muslims come out into the mainstream and start doing good work that is relevant (building hospitals, restaurants, malls, sports centres, gym) and produce high quality products that has a competitive advantage... then we will continue to be a weak nation. It's not hard to do all of this. The Jews did it. The Christians did it. We can do it too... and we can do it better.

Empowerment

2009-09-28T06:11:00.002+10:00

What does it mean to be a loser? What does it mean to be cool? If I begin this post with a definition of what is a loser and what is cool... Then that would be a loser thing to do. Recently I've been listening to numerous Obama speeches, and have begun undertaking a Master Practitioner NLP Training Course from Chris Howard's audio series. Beautiful stuff. Let me share with you some of my favorite quotes.

"The individual should not suffer the tyranny of his people"

"Extraordinary people are ordinary people who makes extraordinary decisions in their lives"

"The United States does not accept the legitimacy of continued Israeli settlements"

"A man who less than 60 years ago would not have been served at a local restaurant because of his color, now his son stands before you to take a most sacred oath"

"What determines whether your kids take drugs or not, is the question 'Who is more convincing?' You, or the drug dealer?"

"You can't think about what you don't want to think about without thinking about it"

These leaders are winners. No matter what is said about them, they have their name in history as great people who led their nation to a brighter future. Much like the prophets of old? Yes. They're not prophets of course, but the concept is similar. They are leaders. So there is no harm in studying these people, and replicating their success strategies in helping us with our leadership skills, be it leading your family, a project, or anything else you can think of.

Having learned a little bit of this, you feel empowered. I was so excited about all of these new knowledge and concepts that I have gained, unfortunately when I go around telling people about it, I am quite surprised at how little they actually take interest in things of that nature. People are, as Dale Carnegie says, only interested in themselves.

However, there is no failure, there is only feedback. You have to be flexible and willing to change your strategies when communicating, until you get the result that you want. When you put the blame on yourself, even if it is the fault of the other party, it is MUCH more empowering! Because in this way, you can be flexible in your behavior and change your strategies until you produce the result that you want.

Having conscious awareness of such technology, I realize that I tend to get disappointed easily when others do not put these information to practice lol! I would stand and talk to someone, and when they show signs of disinterest, I match and mirror their behavior, and after a while I walk away. Which is cool, cause I find myself afterwards in a much better conversation with someone else. Empowering. Good... But then you later find out the person you walked away from is talking shit about you behind your back.

Oh, holy shiznit. I believe that is how your honor is surrendered. When you talk bad about others. It shows a real defect in your characteristics, with the exception of if it was something REALLY bad.

Man, what the fuck am I rambling about. This post is too long. I'm gonna write another one about MFest. Laters.

First Date

2009-09-24T19:43:00.003+10:00

Rachel couldn't have said it better. Long story short... It's been a good hang out. That is one more friend out the window. I think. Possibly. Whatever it is, I'm back to square one where I ought to be right now. Leave the rest for later. Planning is never that great of an idea... for some things at least. To sum up, imagine I'm Rachel in the clip above.

Meet Me Halfway

2009-09-23T23:37:00.001+10:00

It's a Yes people. It is a Yes. She said it. Yes. Movie. Lets do it. YES!

Ramadan After Effects

2009-09-21T15:40:00.004+10:00

This year's Eid celebration was wild. It was massive. Surprising. Shocking. From Eid Eve to Eid Day. Met people. Ate food. House hopped. So many people, so little time. At many points in that day I had to get the person I was talking to to a more quiet place cause of the loud music and chaos that was going on around us. Don't think negatively.. This IS an actual Eid celebration we're talking about. Not some sick and twisted way of celebrating this joyous occasion. So I spoke with Natasha, uh.. a buncha people whose name I have forgotten...... aaand yeah it was fun.

Highlight of the whole event would be when the girl I sort of like texted me to wish happy raya. Lame, I know. Getting excited over a little text message. Bah. Means a lot to me though so BACK OFF!

In the midst of all the celebration... I had my deep moments. Especially when we're doing the Eid Takbeer. Got to ponder over the words. Specifically the part where we were saying how we are indulging in peace and serenity, on this joyful occasion, even though the Disbelievers may hate it. Made me think. Powerful words. Has some element of "over-generalization" but ultimately it's the truth nonetheless. Made me realize how much I don't actually know, and how I should really place my full reliance on God, a Being that knows Everything... literally.

If there was anything that I've learned from Ramadan... It would be that I realized how much self-control I had over myself. I had a few non-Muslim friends trying out this whole 'fasting-thing' and they're totally amazed at how we're able to do it for 30 consecutive days. And when you ponder over this... it's true! I mean, we exhausted our efforts and literally CONTROLLED ourselves and DEPRIVED ourselves of food and water for a LONG period of time. I mean, if you can do that... then you can TOTALLY deprive yourself of some negative habits that you WANT to leave. Think about it. You've got the power!! (with God's help)

Another Thursday..

2009-09-17T20:20:00.003+10:00

One small step for man... and one giant leap for mankind!

So the girl I kind of like came round to hang out at my house again today. Except today it's different. Usually we'll hang out from 3-4PM cause she has lecture to go to at 4-5PM. But today her lecture's canceled. So there's no reason to come hang out since there is no lecture, right? Yeah well, we hung out anyway from 3-5PM. Cool.

We're going to the Malaysian Fest at Darling Harbor next Sunday, on the 27th. I said I was going to ask her out this semester break.. I might ask her out a little earlier: Thursday. Gonna ask to see if she wants to watch '500 Days of Summer'. I've got no clue what that movie's about.. but she seems excited about it so I'm gonna ask her to see if she's interested. If she is; cool, if not then.. Oh well.

I'll get pics on the Malaysian Fest day so you need not be in the dark no more!

Jessica and I have made up. The colander incident made us friends again. But it doesn't make a difference now cause I doubt we're going to hang out that much anymore. I've got other things on my mind. Although, we have talked of poker nights and stuff of that nature. Don't know if that will come through. Her mood is very unpredictable. I hate unpredictability. If you want something, be honest about it and stick with your decision. That's my policy. Or rather a learned policy.

Finally, this is quite random. This is a stupid song but it's played a lot on the radio and I can't get it out of my head. Sort of relates to the whole thing I'm going through now too cause of y'know.. Different people of.. well similar background but.. different race and different religion.. coming together and meeting halfway. Haha. Check it out. Enjoy.

Islamic Checklist

2009-09-17T13:36:00.004+10:00

I was reading Jenny's blog earlier today (on Links --->) and found that she had this long list of Islamic things to do on a daily basis to make yourself a better Muslim.

Her checklist is pretty advanced, and since:

It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O people, you should do whatever good deeds you can, for Allaah does not get tired (of giving reward) until you get tired. And the most beloved of good deeds to Allaah is that in which a person persists, even if it is little. If the family of Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) started to do something, they would persist in it.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 43; Muslim, 782. (ref.)

I decided to come up with my own.. less advanced.. more realistic (for me) Islamic checklist. I just thought I'd share it with you guys. So here you go.

I tried to compile evidences from the sayings of the Prophet (pbuh) proving that the checklist is authentic. But I got tired halfway, and yeah. I got some stuff on there. But the rest of it.. Although I have not referenced the evidence from the checklist.. I bet it isn't something strange and it would be a practice that you commonly hear.

By the bye; something that pissed me off today: I found out reciting Al-Waaq'iah to increase your wealth is just a load of bollocks! The ahadeeth is weak. And it only makes your hair gray. Damn. All those while I recited it thinking it will make me rich. I HATE people who LIE to me about the religion!!

Here's my humble composition of the evidences. Or part of it at least. It includes the evidence that reciting al-Waaq'iah doesn't actually bring you awesome wealth. It's actually a weak hadeeth, which means we're actually not suppose to narrate it to anyone, nor can it be used as evidence for court cases. I guess.

2009-09-15T19:26:00.001+10:00

Perhaps I am addicted to the dark side.

Reading

2009-09-11T16:20:00.003+10:00

"Damn, I am getting old" is a common complain that I make a lot these days. Not that I am actually old. 21 is the age to be. This is when you establish your beliefs and ideologies that you shall carry on for the rest of your life. Some are still searching for their identity. Some have established it. Many are tweaking and fine tuning their established childhood belief, which is reinforced through confirmation from personal experience. Overall, most people could still use a bit of cultural exposure and mix around with people from various backgrounds, besides traveling with a purpose.

With that said, I have lost touch with the more common entertainments in life. These being movies, extravagant meals at restaurants, clubs, concerts, parties. We are at that stage where we want something more.

Yesterday the girl that I sort of like came round to hang out at my place again. From 3-4PM, then she skipped her lecture at 4PM to go to a workshop where they give you tips on how to market yourself to Australian companies. How to land you your dream job. How to become a permanent resident in this multicultural city. We went for that, and then I invited her to watch a play that night called the 'Science Review'. I was already going with Mary Axon and Azrul. But yeah, wanted to see if she wanted to come. And she said yes! Holy crap. Another yes.

However, at dinner, she did something really stupid. Which was a major major major turn off. We were having dinner that I made for us (iftar for me, dinner for her). And then her friend called. And she spoke with her friend like, almost the entire time. I finished my food, went to the washroom a few times, and did the dishes and she was still talking to her friend. Gah. Maybe she's trying to make it clear that she is disinterested. Or perhaps wanted to play hard to get. Although, I think it might have been the first one. So OK. Whatever. I can live with that. But it's not over yet. Another turn off, she invited one of her guy friends to come with her to the play as well. Yup, that'll do it. So I just let her hang out with her guy friend the entire time, while I just chilled with Mary and Azrul. Not in a bitter sort of way, but in a casual "you've got your friends, I have mine" kind of attitude.

Although, in her defense, she was only jokingly inviting the guy friend... And she did not expect that he would have joined us that night. Another positive thing about that night, was that she paid me back for the tickets almost immediately after I paid for them. No delays. No wait. Which is the epitome of awesome. Moreover, during the 20 minutes break and after the play, she made an effort and made it quite obvious that she wanted to talk to me, and thanked me for a good night. Riiiiight yea you go to the train station with that dude now girl. I'm-a walk Mary home. Haha.. damn. I'll give it another shot and see how things go. And if it doesn't go well again, and THEN it's over! Yeah! LoL.

So the play was called the 'Jurassic Quark'. It was a musical. It was awesome. I sat between Mary and Azrul. We saw Scott and said 'Hi'. Felt like I had some real good friends around me, despite being ditched by the girl that I sort of like. So I went and left with pretttyy much a positive attitude the entire time. Cracked some jokes with Mary. Azrul and I were laughing and having a great time. I had to explain some of the jokes to Azrul but that's cool cause it makes me feel smart. Hahaha. A commerce student explaining to a science student about science jokes. Ha! What are the odds.

Overall it was a good night. The play was something new, fun and exciting. After the girl I sort of like left, and Azrul and I were walking Mary back to her house, she invited me to a party in Newtown. And we made plans to camp together during the midsem break. Might be fun. I've made it obligatory upon myself to be a 'Yes Man' to every Australian invitation that I get. So we'll see how it goes. But obviously at this stage, nothing is actually planned yet. Except for the party in Newtown. Which I may or may not go, depending on what other Australian alternative that might come up before that date.

This post is really long. I'll keep it short from now. Last but not least, I've been finding joy in reading books. It tells you things that are far more interesting than the guy next to you could ever tell you, in terms of talking business. Knowledge is power. Reading materials that interests you as an individual really makes you grow and expand and makes you a better person. It actually does.

So you should too. Go out there, and pick up a book on a subject that you've always been fascinated with and wanted to know more about. Entertain yourself with knowledge!

Fettuccini Carbonara

2009-09-03T23:27:00.002+10:00

Awesome. She stayed for dinner. Hung out for 4 hours. Feels like it ain't enough. Ha haaa.

Hanging out again this Wednesday. And again on Thursday. And again the following Thursday. And again the following Thursday. And again the following Thursday. Yea that's how it is. And am gonna ask her out during the holidays. If I get shot down then, let it be. If not, hey. If yes, then that's OK too. Sometimes I think it's good if you've been previously hurt in a relationship. It makes you pervious to pain. Dare to fail. Man, I've jumped off a cliff. Literally. Through bungee jumping of course. So let's do this. Let's do this. One more time.

Yeah so I read my brother's blog and he is experiencing a much better Ramadan than me. Perhaps I should place myself in isolation as well so that I can grow spiritually and get the most out of Ramadan. Given the previous paragraph, I am quite obviously need improving in terms of my Ramadan-ness. There's still time for that. It ain't over. It ain't over.

Gotta run. Take care. Much love.

Taylor Swift

2009-09-03T10:18:00.002+10:00

For the past 3 days I've been listening to Taylor Swift again and again and again... Yeaaa what am I doing. When I listen to it it makes me want to fall in love again. I'm gonna invite her for dinner tonight so we'll see how that goes. She's coming around 3PM, then we're off to class together at 4PM, finish around 5PM... Usually I'll go home and she'll head off home too. But tonight I'm gonna ask if she wants to have dinner at my place. Ho hooo.

But hey, hey, hey.. listen. It's not just the two of us. Both of us happen to have another good friend of ours who is ALREADY joining me for dinner. So it ain't like it's anything serious or obvious. Though, like I said.. I think it can be something good.

In other news, I was nominated again this year to be on the SUMSA (Sydney University Muslims Students Association) without even knowing I was being nominated! I came to vote.. and then suddenly my name was called and whoah I had to make a speech in front of like 50 super talented Muslims!

So I did. And the votes were counted. Thank God I didn't make it on the Board. Which is a bummer, except even if I did get elected, I would've wanted to step down from having the responsibility for all of Muslims on campus. I ain't exactly the best model for that and uh.. Yeaaaaah. It actually sucks cause I hate being just a member and helping out with all the small stuff.. So I might as well just come for the events and bail afterward. But then, all of my friends help out so then I end up helping anyway.. Which I actually hate cause I'm doing something not for the sake of Allah.

So do I actually want to be on the board? Not really. It's flattering that I was even nominated, given the circumstances that I haven't at all been active for SUMSA this year. Besides, I have a different plan for next year.

First year: Full on hanging out with Muslims. 2nd year: Full on hanging out with Americans and Australians (no matter where they go and what they do =s shocking!) 3rd year: I have a few choices in mind which I haven't decided on yet. But we'll see how the summer goes. Gonna learn how to surf. And we'll take it from there... We haww!

Iftar

2009-08-30T21:19:00.004+10:00

So.. Not many people turned up as expected. Far too much leftover food. But it was a good night nonetheless. The leftover stuff was given at a local mosque. And the iftar was segregated, men and women. Ice cream was served. Desserts were awesome. Food wasn't good though. All of the food tasted weird and not fresh. That's what happens when you cook way too much and you can't really taste the food while you're cooking.

But yeah... still. Insha Allah all of that will not go to waste. The ambiance of the night was pretty good. Qur'an was playing throughout the house. In the kitchen, AND in the living room. Very Islamic environment. Men and women all had their fun without mixing haha.. Although in real life everyone mixes all the time but yeah.. It's Ramadan and it's iftar so you try to make it as halal as possible. Not just the food but everything else as well haha.

It's exactly what I wanted it to be though cause there was a good mixture of different cultures and different religions.

Iftar ended pretty early.. it was pretty much only from 5PM - 7PM. After that some headed home while others headed to the mosque for 'Isha + taraweeh prayer. So yeah, it's a good night. Jessica was as usual being moody and sent me an angry text message saying how angry she was that we used her plates for the iftar (which we cleaned and everything right after the iftar), so I lashed back at her for being the way that she is. She didn't argue back so that's the end, or rather, a climax, and hopefully we're reaching the ending, of a horrible dysfunctional friendship.

Despite the negativeness that was attempted to be imposed on my optimistic life, there was something really really good that happened that night. The girl that I kind of have a thing for (don't worry, she's not in this pic) came to my party! I mean, iftar. And then, well, she had to leave early cause she've made other plans. But then, when I was at the mosque, she called and asked if she could come back! Ahh awesomeeee! Haha. Unfortunately at that time the party was over, I mean iftar, was over, aaand I wasn't at home to invite her over for coffee... again. But anyway.. It's good though. I've dropped hints and they seem to be responded positively enough. Wouldn't keep my hopes up though I think this can be something really good...

Uhhh... Damn hope she's not reading this. Then again... who does? Haha. I have like 0 viewer. It's good though. Unfortunately for the haters, I don't judge myself based on what people think of me. I am merely a servant of God who is out seeking His good pleasure. And if I can get God to love me... that's it...... I'm gonna be rich!

Forgetting Sarah Marshall

2009-08-26T12:00:00.005+10:00

If you haven't seen that movie, watch it. Seriously. Best movie ever. Beats About A Boy by like a million times.

But wait, oh right, it's Ramadan.

Yeah so I have been reciting a lot of Qur'an and I'm pretty happy about the progress I've made. I'm on track with the number of juz' and days. In fact I'm ahead of schedule. I hope this year I'll be able to finish reciting the entire scripture, unlike my failed attempt last year. Only had like 2 juz' left. But oh well.

In other news, life have been tough here. I haven't been wearing contact lenses to class, and glasses are gay, so I've been sitting up front at lectures. To my detriment, front seats is where all the Asians are at. I'm not a racist, everyone's alright. It's just the language barrier takes a toll on you after sitting in lecture after lecture after lecture in that situation. And to make matters worse, they're girls. I'm no sexist, but sometimes I just want to chill with dudes and make dumb ass jokes. DUMB ASS JOKES that are not funny to girls. But to us it's hilarious. WHY!? WHY do you NOT want to see us have fun??????? WHY!??

Like today. I took a seat up front. I was looking for Sharon, this super attractive chick, but I couldn't find her. Either that or cause my visions are blurry. And most Asians look the same I swear. So I just took a seat by myself. Then, owh man, Fiona came and just took a seat next to me. I'm like.. Gah I've had enough of being around girls. But OK fine. So I just sit there, concentrating on the lecture.. but girl after girl started coming and seating to my right, front, back... I'm like freaking surrounded by these..... unfunny... women!

I was suffocating man. And dude, I'm not gay, but if you know what my life is like.. You'd be wanting to hang out with dudes too.

Like last night.. I walked up in New Town to get some stuff. Got my iPod. Islamic lecture blazing in the earphones. On the way back.. I met girl after girl after girl that I had to stop and make conversations with. I don't mind it, they're really nice people and they've got some really really interesting stories to share, I swear they're interesting and I love hearing them.... but I need some mindless conversations too.

And to be honest.. I feel like I have to prove my sexuality. Having no girlfriend and too many chick friends... It can raise some questions.

And honestly... I'm sorry ladies but.. out of all of them... there are only a number of whom I can connect with and that I actually enjoy having a conversation with. Mainly those who, when I speak, actually understands the words that are coming out of my mouth.

But fear not, cause I'd be able to hang out with Lazare this Friday. Remember, the Jewish dude..? Yeah. He'll be helping me out with the iftar I'm throwin at my crib this Friday. And also tomorrow where there will be an iftar at uni. There I can finally hang out with some of the Leb dudes. Crack some jokes. Unwind. Loosen up.

AND what's more motivating, is this weekend I'll be hangin out at one of my friend's house (an all guys house). Play GTA IV all day. Become Niko for a day. Mindless jokes. Comedy movies. It will be fun.

Until then... I'll just try to distract myself with studies I guess. Damn I really need to hang out with some real guys soon. I hate when I'm in the mood of preferring to hang with guys than with girls. Cause girls are... mesmerizing. And they're fun. But they're only fun, when you're fun. And you can't be fun, if you're not happy. So to be happy, you gotta hang with dudes. THEN, you've got enough testosterone to walk up to a group of ladies and say "What's up?"

... but then secretly wish you'll never bump into them ever again...

Also...

2009-08-23T16:40:00.000+10:00

If a thing is humanly possible, consider it to be within your reach :)

No One Ever Wants to Dance, with a Fool Who Went and...

2009-08-23T11:00:00.003+10:00

... ripped his pants.

Dude, I've got the strangest songs stuck in my head at the strangest time. This song has been playing in my head all morning. It's the 2nd morning of Ramadan in Sydney. And believe it or not, all I've been dreaming about all morning is about the New Zealand trip I had earlier this year.

I miss Christine, Erin, Rachel and all the guys I was with during that trip. This morning I dreamed some pretty weird stuff, which makes me wonder if all of this bad stuff is now a part of me? Cause Shaytaan ain't present in Ramadan, it has to be all me. What did I dream about?

I was on the top bunk of a double decker in one of those backpackers place. I hear Jessica crashing on the bottom one in front of my bed. I called her name cause I wanted to yell at her. But then someone else answered "Jessica isn't here she already left with the others". It was one of the nice Jewish girls I met on the trip.

Then some dudes tried to steal my tablet PC. They were big but I smashed one of their legs off. Broke his bone, and then threatened the other dude that if he didn't want to get hurt, he had to send gifts to my house.

Then I was back home in Malaysia, and I got a gift from that scared guy. It was flowers, a perfume set and a belt. Mind you, it was a gray rose and an obvious Men perfume set which was also wrapped in gray packaging. But yeah. Strange. Very strange.

After that I was on foot with the rest of the NZ crew, walking up to a bar. While walking, that is when I decided that this was going to be the first time I'm gonna drink alcohol, and I am going to hook up with a girl. But then on the way, I realized that I forgot to bring my ID!

So I had to go back to get my ID, but then I got lost. Soon after that, I was somehow in the club, with all the loud music playing. I can still see it in my head. It was dark and there were a mixture of purple and green colors. Anyway, I decided I was going to drink alcohol. But first I wanted to pee. So I was in the toilet, peeing, and then this girl came in. She was hot. But all she did was throw up in the sink. Twice. Then left without saying anything.

That's when I woke up and realized... Oh man, I really need to pee.

After all that, the song that's playing in my head is Spongebob's song "No one ever wants to dance, with a fool who went and... ripped his pants!"

How to Deal with Bitter Criticism

2009-08-19T19:11:00.002+10:00

Those who are ignorant have uttered curses at Allah, the Exalted, the Creator of all that exists, so what treatment should we, who are full of faults, expect from people. You will always have to face criticism, which in its onslaught is like an interminable war: it shows no sign of ending. As long as you shine, give, produce, and have an effect upon others, then disapproval and condemnation will be your lot in life. Until you escape from people by finding a tunnel in the ground or a ladder leading to the sky, they will not desist from censuring you, from finding fault in your character. For that reason, as long as you are from the denizens of earth, expect to be hurt, to be insulted, and to be criticized.

And here is something you should contemplate: a person who is sitting on the ground does not fall, and people do not kick a dead dog. Therefore their anger toward you can be attributed to you surpassing them in righteousness, knowledge, manners, or wealth. In their eyes you are a transgressor whose wrongs cannot be atoned for - unless you abandon your talents and strip yourself of all praiseworthy qualities, so that you become stupid, worthless, and to them, innocuous. This result is exactly what they want for you.

So remain firm and patient when facing their insults and criticism. If you are wounded by their words and let them have an influence over you, you will have realized their hopes for them. Instead, forgive them by showing them the most beautiful of manners. Turn away from them and do not feel distressed by their schemes. Their disapproval of you only increases you in worth and merit.

Verily, you will not be able to silence them, but you will be able to bury their criticisms by turning away from them and dismissing what they have to say.

"Say: 'Perish in your rage'." (Qur'an 3:119)

In fact, you will be able to increase them in their rage by increasing your merits and developing your talents.

If you desire to be accepted by all and loved by all, you desire the unattainable.

It JUST Got Interesting...

2009-08-19T12:34:00.001+10:00

So there are approximately 19 people that are coming for my Ramadan iftar dinner thingy, including my housemates. 6 Malaysians, 9 Australians, 2 Egyptions, 1 Middle Eastern, 1 Chinese. Pretty cool ey. And one of the Aussie dude, I just found out today, is an 18 year old who is already married! Daymn. Annas (this Malaysian guy who is really excited about getting married) will be very excited to talk to that guy.

Should be fun. Please pray that it will be a success.

It's only a simple gathering. EPDD. Eat. Pray. Dessert. Done.

Since I Love You People So Much...

2009-08-17T18:57:00.003+10:00

Following the previous post.. A little bit of something you might want to think about the next time you sort of want to give advice to others. Cause, what's the point of giving advice if the other person is just going to hate you? To prove yourself right and get hated and then think you're like the Prophet (pbuh) who is not appreciated (by the idol worshipers) in his own time? Don't make me laugh.

I'll tell you exactly how to advice the new generation. By rationalizing the reality according to what they know and understand. What do I mean by this? I'll tell you exactly what I mean.

The young kids... They don't like to be treated like idiots. They've got brains. And guess what? They think you've got shit for brains. Cause they're so smart. Don't believe me? You can not believe me all you want.. it will still remain a fact.

So.. for example. A question may arise. Why eat halal food? A person's characteristic should not be judged based upon what you put in your mouth, but it should be based upon the action themselves. "Why must I eat halal food?" Do NOT tell them "because it says so in the Qur'an, and if you don't believe it, then you're not even Muslim, you are a KUFFAR, and you will be swimming in Hellfire!"

Tell them that it has been proven scientifically that eating halal is nutritious for your body. And that what you eat actually effects your learning abilities. And that it helps your digestive system. And that the reason why all underwater creatures are halal is cause they have little blood in them, and most viruses and diseases comes from blood, so there is no need to slaughter them in an Islamic way. Plus Islam wants to encourage us to eat underwater creatures cause it has been proven that it is much healthier and so on and so forth.. I think you get the picture.

THEN, they will be convinced of the authenticity of your claims. AND they'll respect you and trust that you know what you're talking about. THEN, they'll be more open to listen to your claims about the miraculousness of the Qur'an and about who Allah is and why we need the religion.

Cause you're talking to Muslims anyway, not non-Muslims.

Finally, something I'd like to share with you guys in welcoming the holy month of Ramadan. It's about the benefits of fasting, and advices on how to make the most of your fasting experience (in terms of nutrition intake and what is good for your body). Consider this a good start to equip yourself with knowledge that you can share with the younger generation. Click here.